View Full Version : Awaiting the flak......thick enough to walk on.
Oct 5, 2005, 08:45 AM
Hmmm how do i put this problem forward. I guess i'll start wherever i begin as they say. I remember years ago when this site was quite welcoming, so i thought i might take some refuge in here and see if i can make friends, or find out why i don't make any here. first off i thought, hmm people might want to know me since i've been here for 3 years now, but it seems that unless i'm in the tight knit community, nobody wants to know you and they use you as cannon fodder whenever you make a spelling or grammar mistake. If you guys don't want me here, tell me and i'll find somewhere else to go and tell other people about.
I doubt anyone remembers (except maybe BtG) when like 2 years ago i was in this same forum discussing my depression and my suicide attempts and anyway, i know i say dumb shit, I've got to say some things so i can feel like people might listen. perhaps i'm starting to rant. I'm not a well person, i get plagued by nightmares, struggle with demons and pray that one day this world might end so i'll be released from my bullshit life and bullshit family. Becoming a christian has only given me an excuse to live, it's made me relise my grandma is worth stickin around for. but sometimes i think what will i do when she is gone? she is the only one that has ever cared for me, anyway i'm getting down so i'll change the subject.
Perhaps the point of this post was simple, I wanted to find some friends, people i could add to my buddy list, you know those people you have tolerance and patience and all those other virtues that make friendships work. I'm not the sort that like to tip toe around and please peoples tastes. I just want a reason for coming onto uff. PM me or reply in this post, I'll definitly get back to you ASAP.
Oct 5, 2005, 03:02 PM
It must be hard feeling you have no one to turn to, but rest assured, a lot of people on this site are there for you. Of course we want you here, the more, the merrier. :) Who cares if you're not a great speller or master grammarian? My flatmate Becca's boyfriend David struggled through his architechture degree because of his dyslexia, but got a 2:2 for his efforts, and he is one of the sweetest, nicest people I've come across. So don't listen to people who put you down for that. Sure there are a few nit-pickers (me included) but I know when to be tactful and not comment on it.
I'm glad you're starting to overcome your fears and depression, and religion is a good way for some people. Most people feel down at some stage in their lives, and I am no different. University has been quite difficult for me, and I have days, weeks, maybe whole semesters, where I just think "Fuck it" and can't be bothered to do anything. (My degree is in journalism, but I've become very disinterested in this line of work. My dad sometimes keeps trying to persuade me to get a job within journalism when he phones me, and when he gets like that I feel like hanging up!) But since I'm in my third and final year, I may as well stick it out, though sometimes I don't feel like it.
Families can be thoroughly 'bullshit' too. I totally agree with you. Though I am away from my parents, they phone practically every night but some nights I don't want to talk to them. And they're like "What have you had to eat today?" as if they're making conversation, but it is just another way of saying "Are you eating right?" It gets right on my nerves! :yuck: I don't know anyone who hasn't had a falling-out with their family. But remember, they are always there for you, too. :) (I know someone who's 43, and her mum still rings her every night! :roll: )
If, however, you feel you can't approach anyone in your family, besides your grandma, try making friends, just by simply talking to people either in your immediate environment (at school/college/work, wherever you're at) or online. There are some neat people at uni (more bothered about having fun than working -- though I really can't blame them!) I live with a bunch of really friendly people; we all get on really well, and some of the best times of my life have been on nights out with the crowd from work. Having a part-time job has really helped my confidence as I get to talk to all sorts of people from all walks of life, and has made me less nervous about speaking to people, so there's an idea if you have time to spare (There is the added benefit of having a bit of extra cash, too! :) )
Just remember, if times get tough, the LHH is always available so you can vent your anger and frustration. We will listen. Promise! :)
Anyways, take care of yourself and keep in mind, we're always here! :)
Oct 5, 2005, 03:10 PM
Just because people don't want to add you or have you add them to your buddy list don't mean anything. They may seem like it is pointless.
If you want to talk to someone, talk to someone you think you would have a decent conversation with. Who is respectfull. You IM Them, not the other way around. Make your friends that way. :)
I'm not a well person, i get plagued by nightmares, struggle with demons and pray that one day this world might end so i'll be released from my bullshit life and bullshit family. Becoming a christian has only given me an excuse to live, it's made me relise my grandma is worth stickin around for. but sometimes i think what will i do when she is gone? she is the only one that has ever cared for me, anyway i'm getting down so i'll change the subject.
if you came to UFF, and had the guts to ask for some help, and actualy get people to reply to your thread, then you can't say that your grandmother is the only one who cared. We care. We should. Your a member after all. And we all should look after each other.
I myself am a Christian, and rather people think I'm dumb or not, thats up to them to decide. I myself have had problems like those. Nightmares, Demons, family, life. Though, your still alive, and we are glad you are trying to get help.
Remember we are here to help. If you want to talk to me, then feel free to IM me, we can talk. I'll be willing to talk to you, with problems, or just to talk. :)
Beatrix the Goddess
Oct 5, 2005, 03:49 PM
Yeah I do remember Slank....I remember the problems you talked about previously, & I'm glad that you seem to have taken a step towards sorting them out :) But don't get stuck in the mindset that you're only living for your grandma....theres always one person worth living for: yourself. And killing yourself will always affect some people, whether you feel they know you or you know them, or not. You think no-one here cares, but if we'd heard that had happened..we would care. And don't stop talking about it if you don't want to....sometimes it can help to write it all down; & maybe you can tell more to us than to people you know personally. I know its a weird kind of logic but its one that has been proved true repeatedly.
As for what you're saying about people here...I think I can see three main reasons that may explain why you're feeling like this, but only you can say if they're right or not.
Firstly; as far as I can see....your time spent here has really been quite intermittent. You visit, you post for a while, then disapppear for quite a long stretch. Friendships need time & efort to build; maybe people don't really feel they know you because you're not always here. Why not make a bigger effort & try & be consistent? Don't just come here hoping to make insrant friends - come here for the enjoyent of reading & participating in threads on a very diverse variety of topics. Thats what this board is about, as much as socialising.
Secondly; maybe you shouldn't expect people to come to you (metaphorically speaking). Why don't you try striking up conversations in threads, pm's or whatever? I know its difficult if you don't have much self-esteem or you're shy - probably why you've desisted thus far-, but in the end people sometimes appreciate it. I tend to be completely upfront when I'm speaking to people. If there's something about them that I particularly like or respect then I'll tell them so. If they don't like me then well, thats just the way it goes. So maybe you should be the one to take the initiative & try and make friends. We have a good few thousand members here, there's plenty of variety :P
people i could add to my buddy list, you know those people you have tolerance and patience and all those other virtues that make friendships work. I'm not the sort that like to tip toe around and please peoples tastes.
You've just contradicted yourself majorly there. You expect tolerance & patience from other people yet you're not willing to offer the same? Patience & tolerance are partly about tiptoeing & "pleasing other people's tastes" - in a friendship you make allowances for each other. So you know... make a bit more effort with other people yourself & you'll find that they make the same effort with you. Like the spelling & grammar issue you talked about....I imagine that people have been a bit more rude than necessary to you about it, & thats in no way justified, don't get me wrong, but maybe instead of getting upset/angry about it, why not make the effort to improve your spelling & grammar in your posts? Because, whether its an unfair attitude or not, thats what people like here. The main members anyway. Its just...the sort of community we are. You'll find that people are perfectly tolerant & nice if you make the effort to improve your spelling/grammar, even if it never becomes perfect - people will only have an issue with it if they think you're doing it on purpose or being lazy. If you're genuinely making the effort then bloody well tell them so.
But anyway, I really wouldn't be so fussed about it :) Just be yourself, whilst also being tolerant of others & you'll be fine. If others don't treat you that way, thats their problem, not yours. I'm sure there are plenty of people here who think you're a nice enough guy :) You seem ok to me, anyway. So don't ever think you're not welcome. And if this thread is related to the fact you weren't accepted in the Mafia....believe me, thats not something to dwell on :) They're very picky, don't take it personally. I could prove that to you by applying myself & not being accepted :P
And if you want to talk more via pm then thats fine, I'm happy to do that :) And I think the replies to this thread demonstrate that others do care.
Oct 5, 2005, 09:11 PM
Woohoo! Another friend for Krikie ^-^
I'd gladly be your friend. And I'm the LHH Depression Councilor (Unless they've changed them) so if you need to talk, I'm here..
Oct 6, 2005, 05:44 AM
Thanks for the replies, and thanks for the advice BtG. I'll edit this later but thanks for showing that people can be concerned, and BtG thanks for pointing out a fault properly, I really appreciate it.
Oct 6, 2005, 06:13 PM
I know I'm new here so you might not be interested. But, add me to your list if you like. I've gone through similar feelings and I know what it's like to feel like no one cares.
Maybe I can help a little.
I haven't been here that long, but I've seen cases similiar to yours. So, you could PM if you need any advice. And I'll also happily add you to my buddy list.
Beatrix the Goddess
Oct 8, 2005, 04:16 PM
Why don't you all have a look in the This Is Your Story thread in General Chat or the Being Different thread in here? The one in GC is great for finding people similar to you & Being Different might show you some people who've had similar experiences :) Might be a good way of making friends.
Oct 11, 2005, 06:56 AM
Thanks everyone for the kind words, i guess someitmes as you would all know emotions can get away from you, then your focusing only on the bad stuff, like the flies, they fly past all the good food, the chocolate and ice cream, and go straight for the dog turd.
Oct 20, 2005, 06:05 PM
You feeling any better now?
Oct 27, 2005, 12:39 AM
I know I'm just a random noob, but I understand what you're going through and can relate to those thoughts of leaving this world behind, but I'm past that time now, thankfully... I'll add you to buddys and msn no prob.
Nov 2, 2005, 10:36 PM
yes zahea thanks for asking. I guess i do get a bit emotional at times, i don't take well do bad words directed at me, though god knows I've hard enough that my heart should be hardened to them.
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