Little time.. little respect.

[seph]

Some of you have read my post about the recent break up I have experienced. This ties into this problem I am having... Heres the story.


I am joining the army soon. I will be shipping off to Basic training next summer, so basicly I have a year left of my free life. I told the recent girl I was dating everything about me... she knew all my secrets and desires. She knew everything... but she threw it in my face. I have a hard time dealing with my life right now beacuse I have such limited time. Some people may say "Oh just dont join the army" but thats not an option for me. I need this... not only for the experience but for the respect I will earn as well.
I was the youngest of four children, so naturaly I got picked on all the time. My eldest sister is a actor and singer, while my other sister is a good artist. My brother, hes kinda of worthless but he has some stuff to be proud of. I have nothing... the only thing in my life I am proud of is being on the Native American drum I am on. That makes me feel amazing, it can solve all my problems... but anyway.

I was talking to my sister recently and she told me right to my face that no one is proud of me. My family is not proud of me and this is a hard way to live. My mom isnt proud of her son, my father either. My sisters, brother... my whole family. I have been living a pointless life. Havign people respect me and be proud of me is something I have been lacking my whole life.

Thats part of the reason is why I want to join the army... I am hoping my family will be proud of me for serving my country. Maybe theyll see my name in the obituaries and say "That was my brother/son" Maybe I will make them proud in death... I dont know. I just am missing some basic needs people need. I dont know if anyone can relate to this, but I just needed to get some things out of my head. I have been o this forum for a long time now, I trust you people. Whenever I needed something I could always come here and get cheered up, or rant about something and get honest responses. Thank you UFF... I just felt like saying that.
Especialy you Beatrix.

[jubilant_sleep]

In the end, it's your decision, but if you want my opinion, I say don't do it unless you truly, truly want to.

The army is not the only way to earn the respect of the people who care about you, and I'm sure you already know this, but the military is a perilous road. I don't know the specifics, but my best friend joined the army. Her parents basically forced her to because they're dirt poor and she needed to earn money for college.

She went off to basic training last year. She never did talk about what they did, but when I asked her if she liked it, she slowly nodded "yeah". A blind man could see that she was traumatized. Waking up at 5:00 in the morning, running way too many laps in the freezing rain, it was all too much for her. She got hypothermia on several areas of her body and could barely walk when she returned home. And if that's not enough, she had literally lost her mind, and I don't say that jokingly. She was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and after all of that hard work, was kicked out of the army. She may as well have stayed home in the first place, applied for some scholarships. There must have been a better way.

Unless you're absolutely certain that you're physically and mentally stable enough to undergo basic training, I strongly recommend that you reconsider the military, and find another way.

Maybe theyll see my name in the obituaries and say "That was my brother/son" Maybe I will make them proud in death...

That disturbed me. I know many people are very loyal to their countries and are happy to die for them, but it just does not seem right to me. Don't you want to be alive to see and hear your parents and siblings telling you that they're proud of you?

There must be other things that you can do. Take a piece of paper and write down things that you think you're good at, things that you could possibly go to school for and turn into a profession. Know that there are other options.

Now, I'm going to ask you a question, and I want a straight and sincere answer:

Are you going off to the army to get away from your problems? From this girl? From your family?

I want you to think long and hard about why you want to go to the army, or why you feel like you have to.

[Zahhea]

In the end, it's your decision, but if you want my opinion, I say don't do it unless you truly, truly want to.


I agree with this.

If you're only doing it to make your parents proud then it's wrong in my opinion. Something like this needs serious consideration, especially with what's going on at the moment.

You might want their respect, but like Jubilant Sleep said, there's other ways to earn it.

[Mikayla]

Seph, I know you are really hurt right now, but Joining the Army would almost be an insult to some people.

People Join the Army to fight for their country. It is a large risk in life. My dad joined the Army, and he went to Iraq for a year and a half, and even though there was some problems against us, I still was scared for him.

Your parents I know should be proud of you. No matter what. If they wern't, I'm sure you wouldn't be where you are right now. Your Mother loves you, I know she should. If there really is something to make each one of your family members say that they arn't proud of you, it makes me believe that you've done something to make them say that. But that isn't the case right now.

Joining the Army... This effects me really emotionaly and very personaly, And though all of this has made me speek of what I believe I should say, this really got my attention. They do more than a strole in the Park. This is tough training. My dad scared me alot, because he was the 'military dad' as everyone used to say. I think this would effect you more than you think, and it really would take effect on your family. Sure, you'll maybe get respect. But you wouldn't be able to do much else really. If you really think about it.

But hey, That is your choice. Think about it as hard as you can. This was just decided when? Take a long hard time to think about it. You never know when you might regret it.

But if you do join. Army or not, I'm sure your parents are proud of you. And Uff site will support you now, and will be happy for you if you join the army.

And hey, I'm a LHH Family Counsellor. Feel free to PM or IM me on AIM if you wanna talk something out about your family. I'll be more than happy to talk with you. :)

[seph]

"Are you going off to the army to get away from your problems? From this girl? From your family?"

I see this question and I figure I should explain my reasoning for joining the military. I feel as though I have little options in my life.. I feel like crawling into a shit box. Anyway, I see people walking down the street and people in my school and I think of how successfull they are. I think I want to be a part of maintaining their freedom to be successfull people. I want to be able to say "I took part in defending your freedom". Plus I want to be in a real gunbattle... like I want to know I could die at any second. That would be a rush, but thats just me. I dont say that to sound dis-respectful, I to had family who served.

About BASIC..... bring it on I say. That experience will be fun... thats something that seperates me from the other people who want to serve... I WANT to do it. I want to be woken up at five in the morning and run around. I want to do it. I dont know... anyone understand what I mean?

[jubilant_sleep]

I understand what you mean, Seph. I imagine the feeling of knowing that you are protecting people you care about, and people you never even knew, it's indescribable. Looks like you do have your priorities in the right place, and it seems there's no changing your mind now! :D

I say go for it. It seems like you really do want to do this, but I still say you put a bit more thought to it before you leave. You have plenty of time to think about it.

[Beatrix the Goddess]

I think what it comes down to Seph, is who you're doing this for. Is it for yourself? To satisfy & stimulate you? Or is it an attempt to please others, like your family? To make them proud & see you as noble?

If you're doing it for yourself, its fine. If you're doing it equally for yourself & for others its fine. If you're doing it more for others than yourself, or entirely for others then its not fine. Not because the desire to do so is wrong, but because you won't get very far before having big problems. I'm from a naval family so I know. The military is no joke. Noble desires to protect one's country with glorious battles & whatnot will only get you so far. There's no glory about fighting, there's only a buzz until you see your friends start to die around you. My grandfather was one of only seven survivors in HMS Rodney - a ship that was blown up in WWII. He was never the same afterwards, apparently.

Sure it doesn't happen all the time - not by any means - but what I'm saying is that fighting has very limited nobility. If you want to do it - do it because you relish a tough challenge, you want to push yourself to the limit, you want stimulating, and you don't mind acting the tough guy all the time, & putting aside emotion. You've got a lot of emotion in you Seph. I wonder if you can do that.

You're not being disrespectful in saying what you have; not at all. :) But if you're going to do it, do it for reasons that will get you through it & sustain you. Those aren't always the right or best reasons, but they're perhaps the most important. But most important of all is don't do it because you have to. If you want to earn respect there are a great many other ways you can do it; the military isn't the only organisation that strives to protect society. You do have many many other options. And earning the respect of your parents? You shouldn't need to earn it, except by being what you are. If you're feeling pressured then they're the ones in the wrong, not you. You need to do whats best for you.


But having said all that; I'm not discouraging you. If you really want to, then go for it. But think about it rationally first, without any rose-coloured glasses on, or any feeling of being pressured into it (hence concentrating on the good bits & trying to ignore the bad).

Anyway, we'll talk more about it on MSN. :)

[Tallulah]

I have considered joining the Forces too, when I'm out of university (well, for me it's the Royal Air Force). My dad was in the RAF for twelve years, and he got a hell of a lot of experiences out of it, both positive and negative. He made some great friends, accomplished positive things (for example, he got a chance to be a Drill Instructor for a few months) but has also seen some terrible things that he would wish no-one else to have to see (I've heard all the stories, many times).

If you want to join up, then go for it! It will be a whole new experience for you. However, as everyone else has mentioned, only do it if it is something YOU want to do. If you feel your parents are pushing you into something you don't feel comfortable, then don't do it. At an age when you feel you can make your own decisions, it is not anyone else's right, least of all your parents, to tell you what to do. It's your life, not theirs.

Best of luck in joining the Army, it could be the best thing you've ever done, and it certainly isn't a cop-out if it's something which you have decided to do. :)

[Zahhea]

Have you condsidered joining the Army Cadets?

You may be too old now, but could still join as an adult instructor.

I used to be a Lance Corporal, I taught lessons, took Drill - we did everything and it was alot of fun. And I was only a Cadet, I was considering returning as an adult instructor but I have really bad knee problems and find the physical side too demanding.

Maybe it's something you could try for a bit of an insight.

[ShimmyDylan7777]

Don't do something you truely don't want to do. Nobody really wants to serve their country. Don't even do it for your family so they'll be proud. You think they don't give a damn now but what about later, do you really know for sure. I know that sounded mean. Just try to follow your heart and not theirs.

[phoeni_rising]

Word of advice- She starts with ya tel her to fuck off cause you dont wanna hear it. Also dont think about her and get over her. Trust me it can be tough.

[ShimmyDylan7777]

Word of advice- She starts with ya tel her to fuck off cause you dont wanna hear it. Also dont think about her and get over her. Trust me it can be tough.

You shouldn't really say that if I were you or anybody, some reasons would be....

1) Would if she just got all mad because she didn't want you to go at all and couldn't show it in any other way?

2) You could still be friendly friends.

I know a lot of people would say to not think of her, that you could do. Just blank her out of your mind.