*sigh* More drama.

[seph]

I hadto really question putting this in the forums beacuse it is another insight into my life. I couldnt quite figure out if I should post this in the G&G community or here but this is a problem in my life so I will put it here. I want to say first and foremost that you guys really are a great crowd.

One of my friends that I have known for a long time now, broke up with her boyfriend of over a year. In fact they were going out the whole time I knew her. I know this may sound silly but my feelings for her have grown in such a manner that, well some may say that the term "love" may be used. Anyway, we had a sort of "trial" relationship, we pushed our relationship to the next level, we started dating. Soon after that she broke up with me saying how "She needs to figure stuff out and having a relationship adds un-needed stress". I said that all I wanted to do is make her happy, but everyone keeps feeding me this "You cant make her happy until you are happy" bull. I think it may be true to an extent but I know whats going on with me and I am a happy guy.

Anyway, I still feel the same way I do about her, I cant get over her, it's not that simple. The feelings I have for her prevent me from just "moving on" as some people in my position may do. I see her ex-boyfriend from time to time and I have a spite for him unmatched by anything. I think the main cause of it is the jealousy I feel from those two having a relationship, and then it also comes from the fact her treated her like shit.

I saw those two talking today and now they walk together, they went from not talking and hating eachother to being all buddy-buddy. I can understand them being friends but I am afraid that they might get back together. I dont know what would happen if they did. I am not one for rash action, but I feel the need to beat the ever living crap out of him.

There is that small part in us that always is less mature than we wish to be, and right now I dont know if the only reason I feel this way is beacuse that little peice of me is showing, or if it is in fact something more.

I think that you all know me pretty good, from what I have posted and all the stuff I have gone through and I think that at this current juncture I need some help from you.

[Mig]

I know how you're feeling, I'm in a very similar position myself.

What can you do? Nothing much, really. It sucks, it really does - I know. There's two real stances you can take on this, it's just deciding what to do that's amazingly hard. Oh, and hitting the ex-bf is a no go. If they're friends, she won't have a lot of good things to say about that. :P

1.) So, she doesn't want a relationship - what she wants is a friend. Whatever happens, you should be there for her. Help her when she needs it, be a shoulder to lean on, and so on. She will really appreciate that. =] Then after a while, see how you feel. (while means months, btw.) You might find someone else you like, or you might not. If you don't, then maybe you two have a chance together.

2.) Problem is if she finds someone else, it hits hard. So it might be easier to try and distance yourself from her - just enough so that you don't see her frequently enough to continue developing feelings for her. One of the only real ways to get over someone you think you/do love, (speaking solely from experience) is to blank out all the things you really love about them - and one of the only real ways to do that is distance youself. You might have to talk to her about this first though, or she'll think you hate her or something. When you do find that you like someone else, you might suddenly realise all (or most, or a lot) of your feelings for the first girl have gone. I know this sounds IMPOSSIBLE to you right now, but trust me, it does happen.

Either way, nothing's gonna be easy. But love sucks like that, and that's kinda.. life. Which is a slightly depressing outlook I guess, but in the end something will turn out for the better. Then it's the start of a whole new chapter, if you will.

Good luck. :)

[Areo 13]

Priorities, try to find out a rough estimate on the possibility you will be with her again and decide if it's worth going after. I tried it and it worked, just don't give up. And if your likelihood of being with her is 0% than perhaps it wasn't meant to be. Because everyone knows on sided relationships don't work. Just don't fret, is doesn't seem like this will end out bad.

[Beatrix the Goddess]

As the rest have said Seph...you're not really going to get anywhere by taking any action at the moment. Beating up her ex-boyfriend might make you feel good for about a second, & then it'll make you feel twice as bad because she'll end up getting mad with you. And its really just a selfish urge to satisfy your own feelings - its got nothing to do with making her happy, which is what you say you want to do. I'm not saying its wrong to feel the urge to nail him - almost anyone would, but just bear that in mind if you're ever really tempted to do it.

Neither, I suspect, would it help to pressure her about what she's feeling/what she wants to do etc. at the moment. I know thats the hardest thing in the world, given how you feel, but in the end no-one can change the fact that love is tough. The biggest shred of hope you have is to remain passive as far as those two courses of action are concerned, but make sure you're still a good friend to her, because thats clearly what she needs right now. And you may very well find in the end that she comes to love you even more for that, & thats something to hold on to, isn't it? Esp's given valuable advice about distancing yourself from her if you want to stop feeling this way, but thats a step you're probably not quite ready to take yet, & if its not meant to be then you'll probably find yourself becoming cut off & less involved quite naturally, & thats more effective than an unsuccessful attempt to force yourself to get over her. It is worth trying to keep some perspective though. You'll be going off to the Marines soon, which will mean a long-distance relationship for a good while - is that what you want? Is she worth that? Is that what she would want? Answering those questions might help you along the path here.

But yeah, as the others have said, try to give her some space for a while, & then maybe tentatively broach the subject if she doesn't. Then you'll know one way or the other. I know its incredibly hard but just remember that - even though it doesn't feel like it - if this doesn't work out, you've still got your whole life ahead of you. They'll be others, & perhaps thinking about all that the future holds will help you too - you've always struck me as quite a positive person about what life holds for you, so just try & remember that this girl isn't the be-all & end-all of everything for you, even though you love her. But there's no reason to completely give up hope - it sounds like the problem lies with her personally, not with you, so there's a good chance the problem will resolve itself.

[seph]

Update:
Me and this individual are still hanging out. She says she misses me alot and I miss her just as well. Things are really looking towards the best between us, she still holds my hand and hugs me. She cares about me alot, and I her, so I guess right now I am still just confused as to why she doesnt want to be with me. I guess I am just going to haveto let it slide and work my way back.
Thanks for the replies, sometimes it helps to just post something, even if it is just drama oriented, and have people reply to it and be supportive.

[Areo 13]

Any time man. As you said It really doesn't seem like this is going to end bad, you just have to be patient right?