Sioux
Nov 18, 2009, 05:03 PM
Don't expect Wordsworth people. I can barely write my own name even with the computer present. I just felt some inspiration last night and so I wrote.
It still needs tightening and I suppose better verbs and probably some more fleshing out in parts but, it being a short story based on the end of a match I saw on the Korean Starleague cricuit I don't think its too bad.
A critique of some kind would be appreciated though.
…a soldier dies but, once.
At first the young man was back home. He looked over the sun baked road before him trailing back towards a landscape of endless fields. He saw large hovering tractors pushing through the farms and could feel the morning dew on his skin as it rose from the grassland. Above him the familiar green tint to that great blue sky shimmered brightly as it did this time of the year and another summer storm approached on the eastern horizon.
Two young woman and a small boy were walking down the road in front of him laughing and singing merrily. He looked up the hill next to the main road and saw his Mother calling his name softly from her place in the billowy folds of the cloth on the clotheslines. The western winds, adding the perfect touch to this moment, blew in strong bringing with it leaves and the smells of a strong growing crop. Life was good again, like it should’ve been but, that didn’t matter anymore.
An old tractor that still used wheels rolled up next to him and a middle aged man poked his head out and looked at the young man and held a hand to his ear and said, “Is the emperor’s ship away?”
“Wha-What did you say?” asked the young man in a shaky voice looking up at the old farmer. A slight ringing began that gave way to static and electronically transmitted voices in his head.
The middle aged man continued on his way but, the old man was on foot now running still holding his left hand to his ear but, this time holding a large rifle to his shoulder. “Commodores Titov and Andreev will provide a firing line that’ll get his majesty out of the reach of the Zerg‘s attack forces! No, the flying ones damn you!”
The young man backed away from the roadside and looked down the now black cobblestones and heard a terrible long scream that ended in a bloody snap. He looked towards the scream and saw the two young women and the boy being engulfed by Zerglings. The creature’s guttural purrs and blood slick throats made terrible noises. “Save us, Marshall!” the young woman screamed but, he just stood there watching helplessly as the creatures set upon the woman first. Memories flooded him and more of that damn ringing came with the electronic voices filling his head. Mostly screams this time.
“No, no, no, no, no,” the young man said over and over falling to his knees, tears running down his cheeks as he felt the familiar sensations of the heavy CMC combat suit encasing his body again. The weight of machine gun in his arms weighing him down and the thick glass combat visor with the projected HUD within practically blinding him in the harsh day light of this now burning world.
He slammed the visor down hard catching his pinky and when he reached for his rifle he saw the young boy who was walking with the two woman now laying in his arms. The boys weight and receding warmth he could feel in every tired dying beat of the boy‘s heart.
“It hurts, Marshall, it hurts so much,” the young boy cried trying to hold his bleeding arm to his slashed stomach. “Help me, Marshall, help me, please…”
“Stop this! Stop this! Oh god, stop this!” the young man screamed into the now black star filled sky.
He looked down and saw one last Zergling trotting up covered in blood and it began to eat the screaming boy’s face.
~ ~ ~
The young man woke with a start to the sounds of retreat alarms and metal footsteps ringing against the steel mesh of the walkway all around him and one set of metal feet stopped in front of him.
“What the fuck are you doing, Private!?” screamed a large man in a Terran Combat suit.
The young man looked up hesitantly into the partially raised and blood streaked Hud visor of a Marine commander.
“I…I, don’t know, sir, I was just…” the young man tried to respond but, was quickly pulled to his feet and slammed up against a metal column.
“This is no time for sleep, boy!” yelled the older Terran Marine as spittle flew in the young man’s face. “We barely made it back from that godforsaken platform and the Zerg are-wait a second, what the hell?”
“What, sir?”
The older Terran looked him up and down and then stared at him.
“Your armor and how you got back so fast, you little shit that‘s what! What unit were you in out there?” the older Marine growled.
Before the young man could respond several Marines ran by, one holding his side and the sound of gun fire was drawing closer from the direction they were coming from.
“I was…I was in…” the young man stuttered.
“Boy, we just ran into two of the largest armies of ‘Toss and Zerg I’ve ever seen out there and you look like your fresh from a Barracks on Tarsonis!”
The young man looked down not meeting the older Marine’s eyes.
“I get it now. I don’t think you fought at all you scared little shit!”
The young man tried to respond again rapidly shaking his head but, several more Marines ran by again, their metal foot falls drowning out the young man‘s stutter. From the long hallway which they were all running the unmistakable sounds of several Zerg Hydralisks could be heard roaring behind the muffled explosions of many Terran Rifles firing at once.
“No, I-I fought for a little while but, my rifle jammed and then the guy next to me he…he…” the young man tried to say before the tears came back and added to his already wet cheeks. “My entire unit was cut down in front of me…I didn’t know what to d-do!”
The old Marine stared at the young man seeing every tear fall, hearing every pathetic whimper, feeling every small weak vibration come from the kid’s rail thin body even from outside of his combat suit. He glanced down and saw the kid’s rifle and its digital round counter which by the looks of it was barely spent at all.
The older Marine’s eyes flared and he slammed the young man up against the metal column again.
“Jesus, its because of weak marines like you we just lost the war! We just lost everything to the fuckin’ Zerg because of Marines like you! That bitch of a Queen they have is going to exterminate us all because of Marines like you! You sniveling coward, you don‘t deserve that uniform!” The old Terran Marine yelled bringing his large metal hands up to grab the young man around the throat.
“Chief, Chief! They’re breaking through!” a Marine said through his helmet radio from down the long access hallway leading back to the doomed space platform. “Chief! Come in!”
The old Terran stood there the large metal hands shaking nearly around the young man’s throat, a death gleam in his eye and the unmistakable look of raw hatred on his face. He stood there hearing the gun fire approaching fast to his right from the direction of the platform and knew this would solve nothing.
“Get out of here, Private…” the old Marine said through clenched teeth. He practically threw the young Marine from the great column in the direction down the corridor leading to one of the last Terran Dominion Battle Cruisers still attached to the doomed platform orbiting Char.
The Terran commander picked up the young man’s rifle feeling its heavy unspent weight and glanced at it and then looked back up at the young Marine again. The young man stood there for a moment barely breathing staring at the Marine commander holding the rifle with wide eyes.
“Son, if I was going to kill you I would’ve crushed your wind pipe a second ago. Now get back to the fuckin’ ship!” the Marine commander growled firing a single round into the steel mesh of the walkway between the legs of the Marine private. The scared young man quickly back stepped which became a full on run towards the docked Cruiser.
"Good bye, boy, I hope you find your place someday because this is not it," the old Marine mumbled to himself.
~ ~ ~
The young man barely made it back in time just as several of the last fleeing Marines were going through the lower supply hatches and lower Marine doors. He saw the alarms blaring and the hatches slowly closing. He ran through one of the lower doors that was still open and hurried to the control room within the depths of the lower docking bay.
“No, wait, there are Marines down the access corridor,” the young man tried to explain breathlessly to the officer at the door controls.
The intercom over head burst on with an ear splitting show of static, “Why aren’t the doors and hatches closed Marines? We gotta go!” yelled a man with a thick Russian accent.
The ship shook as Mutalisks and Devourers streaked by over head spraying explosive acidic bursts at the ship’s armored body.
The officer at the controls checked his screen twice before sending the information away with a small digital stylus attached to a glove in his hand.
“I’m sorry, son, the corridor has been presumed lost. The entire area has been over run. All outside Terran units are either gone , dead ,or trapped and our cruiser and one Protoss Carrier are officially, the last ships out of here,” the Marine officer looked over at a beeping screen at the side control panel.
The static filled intercom overhead kicked back on with a large audible click, “The Protoss Carrier, Khala’s Light, was just sunk! Close those fucking doors Marines! Now!”
A rather large explosion against the hull acted as a reaffirmation of the commodore's words.
"No, we can wait, its only a small run but if we send out a drop sh-"
“Its too late...I'm sorry but, we gotta go,” the controls officer said to the young Marine and pressed two large buttons on the control panels which blew out the mechanisms that controlled the lower hatch and door motors. All lower doors and hatches slammed shut below them with a loud far off rumble that the young Marine could feel in his teeth.
The engines of the great Battle Cruiser kick in and the entire room shuddered a little and soon the outside auto guns could be felt firing as their recoils shook the ship’s underbelly. All the while the young man stood shocked to silence knowing those men were just left behind, that old Marine who called him a coward, a young able bodied man, a coward.
“I’m so sorry,” the controls officer said as the young Marine sat down in the corner of the room. “I’m sure they were good men.”
The young man waited for the officer to excuse himself and after he couldn’t hear those military footfalls anymore he laid his head down in his large cold metal hands and cried. And then he was back home.
~ ~ ~
The old Terran Commander watched the Battle Cruiser go firing its guns into a large sea of flying Zerg trailing behind it. He watched it until he was reminded again by his second in command of their situation over his helmet radio.
He began to slowly make his way down the long maintenance walkway towards the now immense broken doors of the access corridor. Slamming his HUD visor shut he could see he only had probably a dozen or so men left at the ramp leading to the now entirely Zerg populated platform.
He could also see with a grin that the only thing keeping a river of those creatures from pouring in to finish them off was a rather tall wall of Zerg dead impeding the Ultralisks movements.
“Die you fucking animals!” screamed his second in command, dropping his spent rifle and running at the frenzied wall of Zerg firing at anything still living with his fire arm.
As the old Marine walked towards the firing line of his men and the charging Zerg monsters beyond he found a small familiar comfort in the sounds of spent C14 rifle shells collecting on the floor and he could think of only thing, How the hell did things go so badly when the Zerg were cornered on that platform by two Terran Fleets and the majority of the last living Protoss?
Life is a comedy. A terrible, terrible comedy.
It was time.
“Alright, you slobbering alien bastards, come and get a piece of Trenton Tanner!” yelled the old Marine commander as he flipped off the safety on his own C14 and added his gun to the symphony of death his men were already playing.
It still needs tightening and I suppose better verbs and probably some more fleshing out in parts but, it being a short story based on the end of a match I saw on the Korean Starleague cricuit I don't think its too bad.
A critique of some kind would be appreciated though.
…a soldier dies but, once.
At first the young man was back home. He looked over the sun baked road before him trailing back towards a landscape of endless fields. He saw large hovering tractors pushing through the farms and could feel the morning dew on his skin as it rose from the grassland. Above him the familiar green tint to that great blue sky shimmered brightly as it did this time of the year and another summer storm approached on the eastern horizon.
Two young woman and a small boy were walking down the road in front of him laughing and singing merrily. He looked up the hill next to the main road and saw his Mother calling his name softly from her place in the billowy folds of the cloth on the clotheslines. The western winds, adding the perfect touch to this moment, blew in strong bringing with it leaves and the smells of a strong growing crop. Life was good again, like it should’ve been but, that didn’t matter anymore.
An old tractor that still used wheels rolled up next to him and a middle aged man poked his head out and looked at the young man and held a hand to his ear and said, “Is the emperor’s ship away?”
“Wha-What did you say?” asked the young man in a shaky voice looking up at the old farmer. A slight ringing began that gave way to static and electronically transmitted voices in his head.
The middle aged man continued on his way but, the old man was on foot now running still holding his left hand to his ear but, this time holding a large rifle to his shoulder. “Commodores Titov and Andreev will provide a firing line that’ll get his majesty out of the reach of the Zerg‘s attack forces! No, the flying ones damn you!”
The young man backed away from the roadside and looked down the now black cobblestones and heard a terrible long scream that ended in a bloody snap. He looked towards the scream and saw the two young women and the boy being engulfed by Zerglings. The creature’s guttural purrs and blood slick throats made terrible noises. “Save us, Marshall!” the young woman screamed but, he just stood there watching helplessly as the creatures set upon the woman first. Memories flooded him and more of that damn ringing came with the electronic voices filling his head. Mostly screams this time.
“No, no, no, no, no,” the young man said over and over falling to his knees, tears running down his cheeks as he felt the familiar sensations of the heavy CMC combat suit encasing his body again. The weight of machine gun in his arms weighing him down and the thick glass combat visor with the projected HUD within practically blinding him in the harsh day light of this now burning world.
He slammed the visor down hard catching his pinky and when he reached for his rifle he saw the young boy who was walking with the two woman now laying in his arms. The boys weight and receding warmth he could feel in every tired dying beat of the boy‘s heart.
“It hurts, Marshall, it hurts so much,” the young boy cried trying to hold his bleeding arm to his slashed stomach. “Help me, Marshall, help me, please…”
“Stop this! Stop this! Oh god, stop this!” the young man screamed into the now black star filled sky.
He looked down and saw one last Zergling trotting up covered in blood and it began to eat the screaming boy’s face.
~ ~ ~
The young man woke with a start to the sounds of retreat alarms and metal footsteps ringing against the steel mesh of the walkway all around him and one set of metal feet stopped in front of him.
“What the fuck are you doing, Private!?” screamed a large man in a Terran Combat suit.
The young man looked up hesitantly into the partially raised and blood streaked Hud visor of a Marine commander.
“I…I, don’t know, sir, I was just…” the young man tried to respond but, was quickly pulled to his feet and slammed up against a metal column.
“This is no time for sleep, boy!” yelled the older Terran Marine as spittle flew in the young man’s face. “We barely made it back from that godforsaken platform and the Zerg are-wait a second, what the hell?”
“What, sir?”
The older Terran looked him up and down and then stared at him.
“Your armor and how you got back so fast, you little shit that‘s what! What unit were you in out there?” the older Marine growled.
Before the young man could respond several Marines ran by, one holding his side and the sound of gun fire was drawing closer from the direction they were coming from.
“I was…I was in…” the young man stuttered.
“Boy, we just ran into two of the largest armies of ‘Toss and Zerg I’ve ever seen out there and you look like your fresh from a Barracks on Tarsonis!”
The young man looked down not meeting the older Marine’s eyes.
“I get it now. I don’t think you fought at all you scared little shit!”
The young man tried to respond again rapidly shaking his head but, several more Marines ran by again, their metal foot falls drowning out the young man‘s stutter. From the long hallway which they were all running the unmistakable sounds of several Zerg Hydralisks could be heard roaring behind the muffled explosions of many Terran Rifles firing at once.
“No, I-I fought for a little while but, my rifle jammed and then the guy next to me he…he…” the young man tried to say before the tears came back and added to his already wet cheeks. “My entire unit was cut down in front of me…I didn’t know what to d-do!”
The old Marine stared at the young man seeing every tear fall, hearing every pathetic whimper, feeling every small weak vibration come from the kid’s rail thin body even from outside of his combat suit. He glanced down and saw the kid’s rifle and its digital round counter which by the looks of it was barely spent at all.
The older Marine’s eyes flared and he slammed the young man up against the metal column again.
“Jesus, its because of weak marines like you we just lost the war! We just lost everything to the fuckin’ Zerg because of Marines like you! That bitch of a Queen they have is going to exterminate us all because of Marines like you! You sniveling coward, you don‘t deserve that uniform!” The old Terran Marine yelled bringing his large metal hands up to grab the young man around the throat.
“Chief, Chief! They’re breaking through!” a Marine said through his helmet radio from down the long access hallway leading back to the doomed space platform. “Chief! Come in!”
The old Terran stood there the large metal hands shaking nearly around the young man’s throat, a death gleam in his eye and the unmistakable look of raw hatred on his face. He stood there hearing the gun fire approaching fast to his right from the direction of the platform and knew this would solve nothing.
“Get out of here, Private…” the old Marine said through clenched teeth. He practically threw the young Marine from the great column in the direction down the corridor leading to one of the last Terran Dominion Battle Cruisers still attached to the doomed platform orbiting Char.
The Terran commander picked up the young man’s rifle feeling its heavy unspent weight and glanced at it and then looked back up at the young Marine again. The young man stood there for a moment barely breathing staring at the Marine commander holding the rifle with wide eyes.
“Son, if I was going to kill you I would’ve crushed your wind pipe a second ago. Now get back to the fuckin’ ship!” the Marine commander growled firing a single round into the steel mesh of the walkway between the legs of the Marine private. The scared young man quickly back stepped which became a full on run towards the docked Cruiser.
"Good bye, boy, I hope you find your place someday because this is not it," the old Marine mumbled to himself.
~ ~ ~
The young man barely made it back in time just as several of the last fleeing Marines were going through the lower supply hatches and lower Marine doors. He saw the alarms blaring and the hatches slowly closing. He ran through one of the lower doors that was still open and hurried to the control room within the depths of the lower docking bay.
“No, wait, there are Marines down the access corridor,” the young man tried to explain breathlessly to the officer at the door controls.
The intercom over head burst on with an ear splitting show of static, “Why aren’t the doors and hatches closed Marines? We gotta go!” yelled a man with a thick Russian accent.
The ship shook as Mutalisks and Devourers streaked by over head spraying explosive acidic bursts at the ship’s armored body.
The officer at the controls checked his screen twice before sending the information away with a small digital stylus attached to a glove in his hand.
“I’m sorry, son, the corridor has been presumed lost. The entire area has been over run. All outside Terran units are either gone , dead ,or trapped and our cruiser and one Protoss Carrier are officially, the last ships out of here,” the Marine officer looked over at a beeping screen at the side control panel.
The static filled intercom overhead kicked back on with a large audible click, “The Protoss Carrier, Khala’s Light, was just sunk! Close those fucking doors Marines! Now!”
A rather large explosion against the hull acted as a reaffirmation of the commodore's words.
"No, we can wait, its only a small run but if we send out a drop sh-"
“Its too late...I'm sorry but, we gotta go,” the controls officer said to the young Marine and pressed two large buttons on the control panels which blew out the mechanisms that controlled the lower hatch and door motors. All lower doors and hatches slammed shut below them with a loud far off rumble that the young Marine could feel in his teeth.
The engines of the great Battle Cruiser kick in and the entire room shuddered a little and soon the outside auto guns could be felt firing as their recoils shook the ship’s underbelly. All the while the young man stood shocked to silence knowing those men were just left behind, that old Marine who called him a coward, a young able bodied man, a coward.
“I’m so sorry,” the controls officer said as the young Marine sat down in the corner of the room. “I’m sure they were good men.”
The young man waited for the officer to excuse himself and after he couldn’t hear those military footfalls anymore he laid his head down in his large cold metal hands and cried. And then he was back home.
~ ~ ~
The old Terran Commander watched the Battle Cruiser go firing its guns into a large sea of flying Zerg trailing behind it. He watched it until he was reminded again by his second in command of their situation over his helmet radio.
He began to slowly make his way down the long maintenance walkway towards the now immense broken doors of the access corridor. Slamming his HUD visor shut he could see he only had probably a dozen or so men left at the ramp leading to the now entirely Zerg populated platform.
He could also see with a grin that the only thing keeping a river of those creatures from pouring in to finish them off was a rather tall wall of Zerg dead impeding the Ultralisks movements.
“Die you fucking animals!” screamed his second in command, dropping his spent rifle and running at the frenzied wall of Zerg firing at anything still living with his fire arm.
As the old Marine walked towards the firing line of his men and the charging Zerg monsters beyond he found a small familiar comfort in the sounds of spent C14 rifle shells collecting on the floor and he could think of only thing, How the hell did things go so badly when the Zerg were cornered on that platform by two Terran Fleets and the majority of the last living Protoss?
Life is a comedy. A terrible, terrible comedy.
It was time.
“Alright, you slobbering alien bastards, come and get a piece of Trenton Tanner!” yelled the old Marine commander as he flipped off the safety on his own C14 and added his gun to the symphony of death his men were already playing.