...sigh.

[Sioux]

Well, just to throw out the obvious life sucks right now.

In the end a handful of weeks ago I didn't get the martial arts job I was working to get. My instructor got a job there but just barely. The dojo in question can't have too many employees to start in their first year due to insurance issues. So, I find myself still jobless and it is tiring to no end.

In addition to the lack of a job my mother, months ago, planned on getting us a better internet deal by buttering up her co-worker who's husband worked for an internet provider. However, my Mom ended up losing her job after having a fight with her boss at work and she hasn't worked since.

This normally not being a huge deal as Dad sends money back from the reservation every month and we normally make it month to month cleaning houses and whatnot. However, that started drying up as we lost several clients and so we were making barely enough to feed ourselves anything but rice. We were barely making rent a couple times and soon even the food money dried up.

So, now we find ourselves more or less homeless as of last night. Mom is trying for a couple Catholic charitie housing establishments or low rent housing up north of Denver but she is sleeping in the car. There are waiting lists for those however so things are going to be a little rought there. My brother is going to either try and get placed back into the behavioral center in Aurora and hope the health insurance will cover a couple months stay or he'll brave the shelters in Denver or he might even go home to the reservation to one of our grandparent's homes.

My instructor has offered to take me in and has plans to make up a small makeshift bedroom in his doublewide trailer which doesn't sound too bad. I'm worrying all kinds about over staying my welcome there and I know I won't as even his wife adores me like a little brother but still. I don't want to sponge off someone.

It isn't all bad though. We are going to continue to be getting money from Dad and our clients we have left are all about helping us so its not all bad but, still. At the moment life sucks.

[Tallulah]

Aww, no... :( I'm really sorry about the problems you and your family are having at the moment, Sioux. It is such a desperate situation. I know that when I was out of work and living by myself was one of the worst times of my life, and I was having relationship troubles to boot, so I can totally understand.

There is a global cash crisis at the moment which does mean a lot of people are having to cut back on goods and services, such as cleaning, as you have found, and to make matters worse, companies are laying off rather than taking on. However, I know that in the face of adversity, you can get back on your feet.

It also sucks to hear how your family (mom, brother and yourself) might be breaking up, and I can tell how much this will potentially hurt you, as I know you have a lot of love and respect for your family, particularly your mum, and it would be a shame if you guys had to go your separate ways, even for a little while. It is good that your instructor has offered you a room. Don't be afraid to accept help if you need it.

I hope you and your family manage to resolve your issues soon, and I wish you the best of luck. Take care. :)

EDIT: Well said, Mig. :)

[Mig]

I'm not going to be very useful, I've not been in this kind of situation since I was very young and barely able to understand what was happening, but I want to exaggerate something Laura said quite briefly.

Don't shy away from accepting help.

It sounds simple but I know pride and unwillingness to intrude on someone else can be very strong. Take your instructor up on his offer, and go to great lengths to prove that you are actively trying your best to get back on your feet as quickly as possible. The extra support from him and his wife are only going to help your outlook on the situation; I'm assuming here, but they sound like a wonderful pair of people to know at a time like this. Friends like these know you'd do the same should the situation be reversed, so why not let them help you now?

I wish you the best of luck my friend, I'm confident you'll see yourself through and emerge as a stronger person. I tried rewording that to sound less cliché but I failed - you know what I mean. I really hope things work out sooner rather than later for you, and hope to hear better news soon. Your mother sounds like a fighter of a woman, you should be proud.

[Beatrix the Goddess]

If I could pick anyone with all the right qualities and strengths to get through this Sioux, I'd pick you :) Sounds like things are incredibly hard at the moment and I'm not even going to pretend to understand how that feels, but I do know that you're a brave, caring and determined chap, all of which I'm sure will see you through. The main thing is to not give up in the face of setbacks - if you keep going you will eventually find something and be able to move on. If you didn't get this job you've still got great chances of getting the next one. Tallulah and Mig are both right about asking for help though - think about the generosity that I know you'd show to anyone else in the same situation. Sometimes in life we all get to the point where we have to be on the receiving end of that generosity and no-one's going to judge you badly for it, anymore than you would judge someone who asked you for help. And it sounds like you're genuinely doing the best you can for everyone in this situation so (later on when you have that luxury) you can be proud of yourself for that :) Just you hang in there, we're all here for you - one very important thing to do is make sure that you consider your own needs as well as those of your family; don't be afraid of relying on others for emotional support as well as practical. And remember that one day in the future this will all be behind and there will be plenty of good things in your life and good things to look forward to.

[Sioux]

Wow. Thanks for the advice and sentiments guys. I really appreciate it.

I am now staying at my instructor's house. We cleaned out one of his rooms and I am sleeping on an old bed of his. It feels good to not be sleeping in a car or on a sidewalk in a sleeping bag.

In the end he even got me a small job at the dojo. Its around $64.00 every two weeks but, its better then nothing. I'm going to keep trying for some minor job at the moment as well be it part-time or full time somewhere that needs help. Thankfully, my instructor's wife knows a bunch of business managers and whatnot around this area of Colorado due to her being a banker. So, I might just be able to make some in-roads passed all of the standard BS that goes into getting a job if I am lucky.

My mother and brother tried the charities and shelters around Denver and it is an atrociously long process that doesn't seem worth it for shelter. They both got $125.00 in food stamps which is pretty good I have to say. My Mother got into one shelter but it ended up being full of really bad people and the mattresses were bed bug ridden so at the moment she has decided to just go home with my brother and stay at my grandmother's until the beginning of December. They might stay longer but only time will tell.

For now I am happy to just have a place to start from. Life doesn't seem to suck so much after all.

[Tallulah]

Glad to hear things are starting to turn around. :) Hope things continue the way they are.

It sucks about your mum's experiences in a shelter, though. It's mind-boggling to consider the alternatives to a house. Things should start to pull back together for you soon by the looks of it, though.

[Beatrix the Goddess]

Glad to hear things are looking up a bit Sioux, keep us posted and keep smiling :)

[Sioux]

Update!

I am still living in my instructor's home at the moment. He and his wife don't care but for whatever reason I am always worried I am overstaying my welcome even though they both clearly don't mind.

I have the job at the dojo helping with the advertising either handing out flyers, blanketing parking lots with flyers or even full on dressing up as a mascot. Its not a dream job but it is something and that is fantastic in this economy. I have some walking around money so things aren't too bad at the moment. I am on the job hunt regardless so we'll see if I can snag a stocking job somewhere or at least a fast food place.

My Mother and Brother went home to the reservation after experiencing what living in a car is like for a week. It was hellish the handful of hours I did it but, for a long period of time during winter? No sir. You really couldn't pay me to do that.

So, they are staying at my grandma's house all toasty and warm in their own rooms. Mom is getting a job back home and is going to save money so they can come back this coming Summer.

Life is more or less settling down now. Hopefully by this time next year I'll be posting from my own apartment.

[Andy]

Best of luck to you, Sean. Wondered why I hadn't seen much of you around lately.

[Sioux]

Update Dos!

Well, it looks like I am staying home on the reservation for keeps this time.

My Mother and Grandmother more or less gave me a great idea to continue my schooling here on the reservation. It looks like it will be affordable and once I graduate the tribe itself will pay me to teach right out of school.

I'll be staying either at the school housing or my grandmother's place until Mom can snag an apartment up in Rapid City which is three hours away.

So, yeah, things are definitely coming together. My dreams of teaching martial arts will be tucked aside for now but nothing says I can teach that privately so yeah. Life is no longer sigh worthy.