I hate this ******* place!

[Tallulah]

I thought I might need your help sooner or later, but I didin't know it was going to be this soon.

I just started at university, about six weeks ago. I liked it okay for the first couple of weeks, even though I was ill on Fresher's Week. Which was a shame.

But things have started to go wrong for me.

I chose to come to Lincoln to be near my best friends, and the local uni just happened to be a convenience. I live with my two best friends (Tracey and Lee) and their son, Taylor, whom I love dearly.

The problem is with the university itself. There seems to be something wrong everywhere, which just frustrates me and brings me down. The staff never tell us anything, the 'virtual campus' is always down, the attendance recording system is a ridiculous farce (imagine 100-some people trying to sign ONE piece of paper!). But that's the least of my worries.

Before I came here, I had always considered journalism as a career choice, and I thought it would be worth my while going to university. I struggled for FOUR YEARS to get the grades I needed, and finally last summer, I did it! I'd never been so happy.

Sadly, though, I think the course sucks, for want of a better phrase. I guess I should have expected it, but everything I am subjected to is boring. Not only boring, but pointless, too. Yesterday, I went home and ractually eported that my day had been 'pointless.' And today, in about ten minutes, (I dont CARE if I'm late!) I have to spend three hours listening to some guy who thinks radio journalism is the best thing since sliced bread. And I don't agree. A couple weeks back, he made us go out into the high street with MiniDisc recorders and get random opinions from people off the street on whatever subject we liked. I tried, but I approached someone, and totally froze. I said the wrong thing, then clammed up and felt a fool. I went home in tears! I have absolutely NO INTEREST in radio journalism and am only doing this to pass the course, but at this moment in time, I don't care whether I pass. I just want to get through this, for a particular reason.

My grandparents (my maternal grandparents) knew from the word 'go' that I wanted to go to university, and they were so proud when I made it in. In fact, when I phoned my grandad to tell him how I did, he was choked up, and that doesn't happen very often. I'm the first of their grandchildren to actually go to university. But now I'm here, I don't think I've done the right thing.

But I don't want to drop out. For one thing, I dont want to let my grandparents, parents, and myself down by dropping out now (A few people have, there are far more empty seats in the lecture halls now than at the beginning...). My older cousins have all been disappointments. Sally got pregnant at 16, and now, at 25, has three kids, a four bedroomed council house and no job. David is a fat lazy slob who has not left home. His brother, Andrew is qualified as a chef but his fiancee won't let him be one because of the hours he'll have to work (She makes me so mad!!!!) And basically, that's why I don't want to disappoint my grandparents.

Also, I don't want to leave my friends; they are so good to me. Of course I pay rent, but I have most meals with them, and I have their spare room, which Lee cleared out the other week. And their family are so kind too; when my mum broke her leg when she and my dad were up here, Dave (Tracey's dad) offered to take them back home when my mum came out of hospital a week later. They're so good to our family, I can't bear to leave them.

Besides, leaving uni would mean my having to leave you guys...

I hate this place. I love the town (there's a great view from the window I am aimlessly staring out of as I write this) but it's gotten to the stage where I wake up, and I fill up with dread, knowing that I have to go to uni. It's such an unpleasant feeling I haven't had since secondary school.

Maybe it's homesickness, I don't know. Yesterday, on my way home, I passed a red bus obviously bought from a London transport company, and I don't mind admitting that tears came to my eyes. I was feeling disheartened about uni at the time, though.

Everyone around seems to be having the greatest time but me. I'm in the 'Learning Resources Centre,' fighting the tears as I write this, and everyone else seems to be full of the joys of spring; it's making me ill. Maybe I'm jealous...
Although I am my usual cheerful self when I'm not here.

I'm sorry to go on like this, but I don't know who else to turn to. I feel too ashamed to tell my parents, too embarrassed to tell my friends, although I have told the dog... It helped for a little while, but still...

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks everyone.

[Vivi_Stalker]

Well, I may not be in college, but I do have a few choice words about your boring class.

I think we all know the torture of a boring class, especially if it's something you really need to get by on... But boring as it may be, you still can pick out valuable information from it. Not sure how to make that seem true, but just have some faith in that one. ;)

Radio journalism... You may have no interest in it, and never plan on going into it. I can understand that completely. Maybe you don't ike radio... or talking to strangers randomly. Sure, you'll never use it, but if the class is on journalism, it WILL cover many forms, to get people doing them, and finding out what works for them. It's basically a learning experience.

And you, of course learned you hate radio. :P Nothing wrong with that. But if you want, you could still pursue the class. It's definitely worth it, I think. If you can get out, experience all of that, and have some inkling of how it all works, you'll have a little more under your belt than someone who say, only wrote. Or someone that only did radio.

I know how much pressure there must be to do well in uni, since your family doesn't seem as if they've done well in that area. I think if I get the opportunity myself, I'll be the only one to go AND complete it in my immediate family. You wanna make something of yourself, and have people, like your grandfather be proud. :) But you should never feel closed in like that. You never HAVE to do anything in life. There IS always a choice. Whether it leads to something good or bad is up to you and your choices.

I don't think it would be a bad idea to stay in the class. You really should. Just so long as you get something out of it, you're doing something. You don't have to like everything you do, most people rarely love everything about their school or work experience. But this is preparation for later. You may end up covering a story you'd rather not. You might be forced to walk the streets loking for random opinions again. But you seem tough; you could get used to it.


You can stay for your friends... You can stay for the achievements your family didn't have... but you should stay for yourself.

I hope you get through this, and you do well in your studies. :)

[Beatrix the Goddess]

Heh, I know the feeling. I've just started Psychology, something I've been wanting to study for years on end, but the beginning of the course has been boring as hell. But I was flicking through my textbook last night, and from the look of it, all the interesting stuff comes at the end. You just have to remember that radio journalism is only a tiny fraction of your whole course. Do you have any idea what the rest will be about? Somewhere in there there'll be something you love. It may just take a while to get to it. And think about it- some of the course may be boiring, but it's the grounding you need. Once you're a qualified journalist, you'll be free to go into any field that intests you. And you'll be able to do that because of the qualification you got from studying boring stuff. It'll be worth the struggle in the end :) Don't drop out just yet- I'd give yourself at least another year before reconsidering your options. And look on the bright side- at least it's only the actual uni that's bothering you. Just think "get in, do the work, get out". That's all you have to do with it. You have everything else you love waiting for you outside.

[seph]

well..... i dun have much, non generally. but ya know, people suck, schools suck. I really hate schools, there dumb. But msjones, people will always be dumb. But ms jones it sounds a little homesickly to me. And dont let us make you stay ina place that you hate. Go home msjones.... I knwo youll miss your friends and stuff but ya know, I think this isnt very "healthy" for you...I know you ina uni but ya know somtiems things must change.......I know that in my opinion, "we" would want you to be happy.... so my opinion is go home, and get another uni to go to. It will be good for you. And thats my opinion, period.
(Though many wont agree and say my opinion is dumb, but its my thoughts and well, no offense to them, i dont really give a crap about what they think of my posts. Sorry beatrix for meh language.)

[Ozma Omega]

I can really relate to that, Msjones.
I agree with Vi and BtG that even though the course might be a nightmare right now, it could get better.
By the sound of it, there's a good chance it will.
Right now, the main subject is radio journalism, right? (Which I can totally understand must be awfully boring)
But that's only for now. Soon you'll move onto something a lot more interesting. :) Things that made you want to choose that course in the first place.

You don't have to like radio journalism, no one can force you to.
As long as you get the work done, you can have whatever opinion you want about it.
Yeah, you could drop out of the university, but is it really worth it?
You could miss out on a career as something that really interests you.
And who knows, a fun subject at your university might be right around the corner, too.

Good luck!
PM me anytime. :)

[Tallulah]

Thanks, everyone! :)

I feel a lot better now, since I've actually gotten down to some serious work. Beatrix, you were right! I was flicking through one of the books I got out, and there was some really interesting stuff about nineteenth century journalism. o_O

I like the city, and the lecturers are cool (except the one who treats us like kids, of course!). Even the Radio Journalism guys are really encouraging... I had to go out and get a meaningful interview with someone this week; it was easier than I thought.

Seph, I appreciate your point of view, and at my lowest moments I did feel like catching the next train back to King's Cross (London) but then I remembered that I've only ever quit two courses (History and German A Levels) but that was because I had some lousy teachers. I wasn't gonna go home for Christmas this year, but after what you said about my homesickness, maybe I will, even though it's more fun up here. My friends have loads of extended family and it's always a main event, and my parents can't really compete with that -my mum's laid up with a broken leg and can't get to work, our family don't really have time for each other (even at Christmas!), my dad's surviving relatives are about eighty years old and up in Scotland, AND I'm an only child! But I do kinda miss 'em, and my friend Lee made me feel a total jerk last week by telling me I hadn't phoned them. Actually, I haven't called since last Wednesday, and when my friend's mum Tricia asked me how my mum was, I felt really bad 'cause I didn't really know! :s

I've only got to stick at Radio Journalism for the rest of the semester (a further six weeks) by which time I don't think I will return to this area, at least for quite a while, if at all...

Thanks for the positive encouragement, guys! :)

[seph]

well i am glad you are doing better in life jones. I hope your life is a happy one, and though my comments were counter-productive i wish you good luck. and do good in school!!!!! lol....