In need of council

Geist · Jun 24, 2005, 07:04 PM

Umm well where to begin...

Right ever since I was little I've had an extreme misstrust of men I have no idea why or how this came about. Some men no matter how nice they seem I can't seem to trust and I guess the fact that I have a very sinical out look on life doesn't help but I don't know how to make it stop. Has anyone else expierienced such a problem or one similar? and if so what did you do cause I have no clue and its getting me down.

Mikayla · Jun 24, 2005, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Geist

Umm well where to begin...

Right ever since I was little I've had an extreme misstrust of men I have no idea why or how this came about. Some men no matter how nice they seem I can't seem to trust and I guess the fact that I have a very sinical out look on life doesn't help but I don't know how to make it stop. Has anyone else expierienced such a problem or one similar? and if so what did you do cause I have no clue and its getting me down.

Eh, not to compleatly focus down on me. But I do have this problem. Though, it is just a trust problem I have. It has to do with some past family problems that has caused me to not trust many people. That is why I don't like most people around me. I can't stand to touch flesh to flesh with anyone, or even look at them. It almost makes me sick. One of the reasons why I like to be online.

Unless you have had some problems, I don't think we can really help you out.

Assuming it is just men, I can jump to many many conclutions... so, I can't really say much. It could also be a stage in your life that just makes it seem like you can't trust men.

Geist · Jun 24, 2005, 07:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miko

Assuming it is just men, I can jump to many many conclutions... so, I can't really say much. It could also be a stage in your life that just makes it seem like you can't trust men.

I don't think it is cause its been going on since I was 4 years old.

Quote:

Eh, not to compleatly focus down on me. But I do have this problem. Though, it is just a trust problem I have. It has to do with some past family problems that has caused me to not trust many people. That is why I don't like most people around me. I can't stand to touch flesh to flesh with anyone, or even look at them. It almost makes me sick. One of the reasons why I like to be online.

My probem isn't really phisical contact. When I'm around some people I feel ill like I'm gonna vomit but that hasn't happened for a while.

ShimmyDylan7777 · Jun 24, 2005, 08:40 PM

you know what, i really would have no idea about this. i'm a guy, i'm calm around girls. maybe, you could breath in and out, go by a good friend that is a guy [if you have a friend that is a guy, if not just do this] and try to have a normal chat with him. don't even think about it, just be calm breath in n out. holy shit, i sound like Dr. Phil, well i hope it works out, sorry if nothing advances. hope it does though.

Geist · Jun 24, 2005, 09:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Final_Kid

you know what, i really would have no idea about this. i'm a guy, i'm calm around girls. maybe, you could breath in and out, go by a good friend that is a guy [if you have a friend that is a guy, if not just do this] and try to have a normal chat with him. don't even think about it, just be calm breath in n out. holy shit, i sound like Dr. Phil, well i hope it works out, sorry if nothing advances. hope it does though.

Oh I can talk to them but I just really feel ill around sertain blokes. And I have a deep feeling of misstrust around men; no offence.

ShimmyDylan7777 · Jun 24, 2005, 09:26 PM

what do you mean you have no trust, like what do you think they're gonna do? just wondering, each peice of info can help.

Derextreme · Jun 25, 2005, 12:22 AM

Maybe it could be your surrounding area that effect you. Maybe Guys round you are unfaithful to maybe girlfriends or parents or Guys lieing to you for something that had done. I think maybe it should be the moral teach by your parents. Parents would say that you must be careful with guys expecially xxxxxx [ Name ].

So these reasons would cause to be like that. It could be some trust problem maybe from their look , they look bad to you so you do not trust them. BUT not all guys are so bad after all. I wouldn't say that all guys are bad.

Just be sure you mixed with right friends expecially Guys.

krikie · Jun 25, 2005, 12:53 AM

It could be surroundings .. derextreme has a point. You could be an a surrounding where it just isn't a very trustful place.

Also, it could be the fact that you just aren't mature enough to face them (that's not saying that you're immature, it's just saying that you aren't quite ready to handle closeness from guys) I think as you grow older you should grow out of it. Right now you are probably really aware of things that could happen and wouldn't be able to handle it.I'm sure as you grow older you'll know how to deal with it.

***Beatrix the Goddess*** · Jun 25, 2005, 03:23 PM

This is a more common problem than you think; chronic mistrust of people can happen easily and its not surprising that you've focussed on guys for it. You haven't indicated your age but I'm guessing your somewhere in adolesence, and guys your age often do end up hurting people because they're not mature enough to understand the consequences of their actions, plus all the testosterone rampaging through their bodies of course. So your problem is perfectly justified and understandable, don't worry about being "odd"

. However if its affecting your life to the point that its making you depressed then something does need to be done.

What I'd say first of all is that their is light at the end of the tunnel - as guys grow up they do get a lot more mature and nicer people in general, so don't feel that they'll never be a man in your life that you can trust, because therewill be eventually, if not right now. This isn't a problem that has to last forever, but you will need to stop imposing your own assumptions on every man you meet, because obviously its unfair to label every man as bad when they're not. Yes there are men out there who will take advantage of women and generally abuse their trust, but then there are also women out there who will do that to men. Men aren't all bad & women aren't all good - its not that simple, although it can seem that way if all the guys around you aren't very nice.

I guess the first step to solving the problem is thinking about what you like in a guy - what kind of guy would you be able to trust? Have a think about the sort of qualities he'd have. Obviously you'd be very very lucky to find someone with every one of those qualities, but you may find a few guys who have some of them, and that's a starting point for being able to trust them. For example you'd obviously prefer guys who aren't overtly sexual. Those types are likely to be quieter, and probably not obvious at first glance - in my experience the confident outgoing guys who catch your eye first are usually the less nice, more testosterone fuelled ones. I think you'll probably find that the nicer, more trustable guys are the ones that you have to make a bit of effort to get to know, rather than the ones that introduce themselves to you. So try & have a clear think about what you would like in a guy and with that in mind, try getting to know some that you might have passed over before.

However having had the problem from such an early age and actually feeling physically ill around men indicates you've had some really bad experieneces with them somewhere along the line....have you had any problems with your dad, maybe? I'm not going to pry, but I think if you have had some bad childhood experiences with men then that's the root of your current problem and that's what you need to overcome to make things better. But I'm just assuming. What's important for you to realise is that not all men are out to use you - I know the steadily rising rates of divorce can be depressing and indicate otherwise, but those are just the figures that make the news. In reality there are still plenty of happy marriages and partnerships - there are many, many men out there who are kind and caring and love their wives/girlfriends as well as those bastards who are just out for themselves. What you need to do is try & distinguish between your versions of the two. That's sometimes quite difficult but if you have an idea of the qualities that really matter then you're as safe as you're going to get. Knowing that loyalty and reliability are more important than handsomeness & fast cars will stop you getting into many bad relationships. A lot of women get hurt because they value the wrong things - if you can avoid that mistake then you stand a much better chance. There are perfectly nice, trustable guys out there and you'll meet them as you get older and move around to different places. It sounds like your stuck in a social rut right now, but that won't last.

Maybe you're feeling ill around guys because when they're around you suddenly feel vulnerable? When that happens just take a few deep breaths to clear your head and reason out what you're feeling. There's no need to feel vulnerable because you cant be made to do anything you dont want to; its in yoir hands what happens, not theirs. They can be as idiotic as they like but in the end they can't influence you. Its not worth it to let their presence make you feel that way when you should be having a good time with your friends, just remind yourself of that.

Pm me if you want to talk more about this, ok?

Geist · Jun 25, 2005, 06:26 PM

I don't worry about being "Odd" I enjoy knowing I'm odd and knowing that I don't have to follow stupid people who only care about apperances.

My feelings don't stop me in social sistuations when I don't know the person that well. Only when I know that person better it usually does and usually I know that my gut feeling is right because I know those people I feel ill around are users driven by testosterone.

To answer your question about my Father, no, never I'm closer to my father than my mother and I know that girls can be the same as men.