Hey everyone, I have not been doing so well as of late. Its 2:30 AM where I am right now and I cant sleep.
As many of you know I am dealing with some serious issues right now, I have a lot of PTSD, depression, much of it explained in a thread earlier and I don't want to revisit it.
This thread is about a particular issue I am having at the moment with closure.
If you read my earlier thread, i talked about a girl who I love that got into a car accident while I was deployed in Iraq. She survived the accident with bad brain damage and broken bones. She was so beautiful and I miss her so much.
Her name was Abby. We had met each other in high school, and she took such a liking to me. She was such a hippy though, which you would think wouldnt go great with me and my military record though. She was so amazing and we used to spend every moment we could with each other. We used to sit in the homeroom in between classes and just sit together and enjoy eachother, we hadn't seriously dated until my senior year was about done.
I remember at my senior prom we had one amazing dance together, after that dance, this was all before i went to basic training, she told me "You better come home" i said "I will" and she looked at me and said "You better".
I have dealt with so much, I made it home. I made it home and she is gone. Abby was not an ordinary girl by any means, she was a gift to the human race. She died last month.
I couldn't bring myself to go to her wake, and I think that this s causing me a lot of issues. I cant stop myself from crying every time I am reminded of her. I keep a picture of her I have had for years now in my wallet, the same one I had with me when I was deployed.
I have no closure in this chapter of my life.
I don't know what i'm looking for here so please, help me figure this out.
"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself. "
-John Stuart Mill (1806 - 1873)
and a cookie monster: