Long-Distance Relationship...

[Dedrus]

Originally Posted by Kat

"Distance is for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough."

That is a wonderful quote, Kat... one which I am sadly finding very true at this very moment in time.

Despite my earlier stance on long distance relationships, I find myself to be deeply in love with the most amazing lady I have ever met - who lives across the ocean from me, 5 hours behind my time.
For almost three and a half months, we have been very intimate and - somewhere along the way - ended up 'dating', though never admitting it. Although we have come to realise that we are in a relationship with eachother and try our damned hardest to talk and spend as much time together as we possibly could.

Unfortunately, it just doesn't seem like enough. There have been many, many bumps in the road, complications and thankfully no arguments, but very few disagreements.

Lately, my lady has been very 'down' and she hasn't told me why - until tonight.

She's 'having regrets' about 'getting into another long distance relationship.'

I had a doubt, somewhere deep in my mind, that this was happening. I have constantly been trying to communicate with her, only to sometimes receive five-minutes talk with her (which I cherish every second of) or sometimes no reply whatsoever.

Before we had a chance to talk about this, she had to go to dinner with her parents. Obviously, I am very, very scared and felt like I couldn't throw this on any one person: not that I wish to throw this on any on you who are reading, as that would be unfair. I simply need somewhere to write this down, to at least let it out.

I'm not surprised, which is what creeps me out. This is the one thing I have feared for just over quarter of a year, yet, when it happened, I was barely phased. All I could do in reply was ask her if she still loved me, to which she assured me she does. Maybe I'm shocked, I don't know. I just feel like I should really get my ass to earn some cash and go see her as soon as I possibly can.

Which is a very unfair situation that I've laid on her. I go to college everyday, save weekends and holidays. Leaving me only the six weeks of summer break to even have a chance of meeting my lady. Although I would cherish it, I feel like paying for a plane ticket to see her for a few days is a little silly. I would love to spend around a month with her, before having to jet home, only to wait another year or so before I could meet her again.

Whenever I think about that, it makes me wonder if our relationship could have been timed any worse. I hate knowing that I have to make my lady wait another six months before there's even a small chance of seeing eachother. Even worse, eighteen months before the more feasible opportunity (when I've finished with Sixth Form).

Regardless, I am committed to this relationship. However, I can't expect the same from my lady - she's approaching 20. 21 before I have the more feasible opportunity of meeting her.

I love her. More than I've ever loved anyone before. I know what I feel is real and so does she.

Distance is a real bitch sometimes...

[Dedrus]

Eh. We split.

She said she couldn't handle constantly waiting for something that might not even happen, and that she wasn't happy in a long distance relationship.

Either way, I've had the best 3-4 months of my life, and I don't plan to dwell on any of it. Gotta take the first step to moving on, right?

[Tim]

Cool story man.


...jk.

Forsrs though shit always fails. If you can't find the motivation to go see her RIGHT NOW chances are you never will. There will always be something adding onto those few months.

[Dedrus]

Yeah, I knew it could happen from the very start. I'm very glad she even gave the relationship a chance, especially seeing as she knew how things may have ended.

It wasn't so much a lack of motivation that stopped me from seeing her, it's the lack of any funds, time and then my commitments to college and family. I would gladly give it all up to have seen her, but it wouldn't have happened.

[Mig]

You're very emotionally strong in situations like these Dedrus, for such an angsty age that's pretty impressive. I know I was a babbling mess at 16, and I entirely blame Gerard Way and Matt Tuck for that. Bastards.

But seriously, chin up mate. I know from experience how emotionally draining long distance relationships can be, and at your age it's the last thing you need. I just hope you're as 'alright' with it as you sound.

[Frei]

Originally Posted by Mig

I know I was a babbling mess at 16, and I entirely blame Gerard Way and Matt Tuck for that. Bastards.

You can say that again

Seriously though, sorry to hear things didn't work out Dedrus, I hope you're doing okay. LDRs really suck. And they very rarely work out or are worth it.

[Kat]

It's true.

I can't tell you how much misery and loneliness I've endured in the duration of my long-distance relationship (four years since I was 17), but conversely they've been the happiest years of my life. So happy it hurts. Every time I see him it's like a fleeting dream in the form of two or three weeks, then poof he's gone. But it's so worth it. Maybe I'm just a masochist though.

It's not for everybody, no, but I was lucky enough to have found someone who is as emotionally resilient as I am. At the end of the day you can love someone with all your might but love won't pay for a plane ticket, love won't give you the time to get a job to make enough dough to PAY for the ticket.. it's all down to circumstance sometimes. I mean what can you do? quit college? For a girl who was hot and cold about the relationship anyway? My guy has had to make some pretty big sacrifices heh, but I'm invested in the relationship, so it was relatively safe for him to make those decisions. Don't beat yourself up for it. Maybe in another time and place it could have worked out but neither of you can help the circumstances.

I commend you for having the foresight though. In the end, I guess it's just one of those times where you have to cut your losses, learn and grow from it and move on. As much as people love to hate or hate to love Eat, Pray, Love, I learned so many important things from that book and this excerpt couldn't articulate my thoughts any better. Read this. Seriously. <3


Feel better Dedrus. *hughughug*

[Mig]

Originally Posted by Frei

You can say that again

Haha, like you can talk!

Yeah I only really posted in here to say that.. sorry for the slight spam guys.

[Dedrus]

Sorry for the delay in replying! I hadn't found the time or the words to say thank you before now.

Thank you all for your kind words, the support is appreciated! Emotionally strong, or emotionally devoid? I don't know. Either way, I'm finding that it's getting harder each day to deal with this. We're still talking and - beyond the awkwardness - we're still great friends... but I'm not sure if that's reassuring me, or holding me back.

It was great the first few days as I could simply go to use my phone and see her smile... but now that's starting to become difficult to see every time. So I changed my phone background, but now a part of me feels like I'm trying to push her out of life, which I absolutely do not want to do! It's as if, right now, I'm stuck in the middle of deciding whether I should hold onto everything I had which involved her, like the phone background, the messages, the photos... or get rid of it all. But I don't think I'm able to deal with either of them, not without a little support or motivation from somebody.

Speaking of which, I'm suddenly a lot closer to two ladies at school. One is taken, so I know the 'line' there: she seems to enjoy hugging me a lot, which is always nice. The other lady has recently come out of a relationship and is struggling to deal with it, and we cuddle and talk quite often. The way we're acting just reminds me of the times me and my lady would talk about how we'd kill time were we there together. Heh, obviously we discussed more than just talking and cuddling, but none of that other stuff has happened with these other ladies.

I'm just trying to find a compromise between pushing my ex out of my life and staying great friends... I've yet to find one, but hopefully given enough time I will be able to.

Heh, and thank you Kat! That excerpt was rather thought-provoking!
I assume that misery and loneliness doesn't get easier to deal with, so I admire you and I'm happy for you! In the long distance relationship discussion thread, your relationship was one of the main things that changed my opinion on long distance relationships, so it's lovely to hear that things are still going so well!

Again, thank you Frei, Mig and Kat for the kind words, I really appreciate it! <3