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Old Apr 2, 2012, 05:51 AM   #1
Tallulah
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I give up... I just... I quit!

I can't believe this has happened, but my boyfriend, Rich, finished with me last night. I thought everything was fine, a little bit anxious that we couldn't see each other as often as we'd like, but yesterday he rrvealed he didn't feel the same way about me.

I respect his honesty, but I'm heartbroken. I did have a bad feeling which has lingered for a couple of weeks, but I put it down to stress and depression I have been suffering from lately. I'm so angry at him for leading me on, and at myself for taking this whole relationship for granted. Also, part of me hopes this might be a phase and his feelings might return somehow. My last, best hope.

What we had was a million times better than what I had with that Paul loser, and I can't believe it's over so soon. I saw us being together for a long time. I thought it was so special, a bit rough at the moment, but I truly thought we'd be ok.

I have therefore decided that there is nobody out there for me. I shall live my life alone, if that is what is planned. I accept this now; I am better off alone. Some people are. It is unfortunate, but when you have known and lost the only person you have ever loved, that is the way it is going to be. I can see that now.

Sorry for any typos but I'm on my phone and I can't be bothered to go back and change them.
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Old Apr 8, 2012, 06:13 PM   #2
Beatrix the Goddess
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Hey Tallulah Not sure I'm as clued up on the history as some people here but I'll give it a go...

First, I'd say take a minute to read that post back to yourself, and imagine someone else has posted it and you're reading it. Now, do you really think that that person is the sort of person who is "better off being alone"? Because to me it certainly doesn't. You're not unloveable, you're not abnormal (no more than the rest of us anyway ), you're not cold and unfeeling, you're a lovely, and loveable girl who's just had a really bad experience. No matter what you think right now, in 5, 10, 20 years time you're not going to want to be alone. I'm not presuming anything, but if I was in a similar position then I'd probably also think that being alone was the best option to get rid of my feelings of hurt, rejection, insecurity and lack of control. But again, think about it - is being alone going to get rid of or reinforce those feelings?

So, (again only guessing), seems to me whats really best for you is having time to lick your wounds. Spend time with people you love and that care about you - I know I can speak for everyone here & say that we think you're great, and there are other people in your life who think that too. But give yourself time to grieve by yourself and with them. Then, maybe when you're ready, start looking at this relationship for what it is - a step along the road. You said things weren't great with this Paul chap - I bet back then you couldn't even have envisioned how good your next relationship could be, but it came along. And its the same now - why do you think what you had with Rick was as good as you can get? Who knows what's coming up next. I know the thought of putting yourself out there and being vulnerable again isn't great but thats fine right now. Don't write yourself off though. Maybe its worth thinking a bit more about why you had that "bad feeling" for a couple of weeks - was there more to it than stress and depression? Were your feelings towards him more complicated than they seem now in the face of rejection? Maybe it won't change anything but you might be able to come away having learnt something if you can analyse that a bit more. But hey I'm a psychologist, I love analysing, so don't take that bit to heart if it doesn't work for you

Seriously though, don't let this break you. When I think about breakup stories that I've heard, it sounds like this guy still had a lot of respect for you and felt he owed you an honest explanation. That doesn't necessarily sound like someone who was just out to lead you on or treat you worthlessly. Which says to me that actually he thought pretty well of you, but it just wasn't right. I know nothing can change how heartbreaking that is, only time, but if you're the sort of person who can command that sort of respect in a breakup, I don't think you need worry about finding love again. Maybe you'll approach it more cautiously, but don't let it stop you altogether.

Sorry, not sure if I'm being at all helpful. Can't remember if I've got you on my MSN list or not. It's intradance@hotmail.com , if you fancied chatting at all.
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Old Apr 11, 2012, 09:51 AM   #3
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Thanks for your kind words, Bea. It means a lot.

Over a week later, I feel a lot better. Still not perfect, but it will take some time. I guess I was being a little melodramatic back then, but the pain was literally still very raw. Even now I have tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat (in the middle of a public library, no less! my laptop has broken again and I can't afford to get it repaired or replaced for another six weeks when the holiday pay is issued) merely thinking on it.

I felt sick this past week as I had work every day except Sunday (and even then they tried to get me a shift, which would have meant me working 11 days straight- no thanks!), but actually it has helped keep my mind off things. It hasn't worked all the time, but a bunch of people from work, mainly Kev, Paris, Johnny, Lou and Joy, have been pillars of salt for me. The first two in particular; Kev went through a similar thing a couple months back so he advised me, and Paris never fails to make me smile. I also went to my friend Tracey's on Tuesday, and watching TV and having dinner with her and Taylor and George, her two boys, stopped me thinking about it for a few hours.

I phoned my parents a couple days after it happened, and my dad was angry, I could tell. Being his only daughter, he hates seeing me get hurt and it winds him up. Mum said to me: "You'll find love again, and if you don't, that's fine too." Not much help at the time but I hate to admit that she may be right.

I'm still friends with Rich, in that he's still on my Facebook, and all ill feeling I had towards him (hate, disappointment, anger, frustration) are slowly fading. At one point I saw one of his status updates was something along the lines of: "I need to find something to make me happy..." Whilst it did make me roll my eyes a little, it made me feel... well, not good, but it made me feel less alone knowing that he was hurting as well. Now I just miss the friendship we had, but am a little reticent to contact him in case he thinks I want to get back with him, or I upset him. It's a minefield...

Working out my ill feelings at the gym or sitting in front of the X Box (I've really gotten into Assassin's Creed lately, which ironically Rich introduced me to...) help as well. Yesterday I went to the gym and did a few extra weights. I am a little stiff today, but I managed it, and felt amazing afterwards. So I'm on the right track again.

I tried to reply a couple days earlier using my phone, but when I tried to post my Wi-fi connection dropped. So I thought I'd wait until I could get access to a PC and think things through.

Thanks again, Bea. I'll get by.
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Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life. Get wasted all the time, you'll have the time of your life! ~ Billy Connolly

Who wants to live forever? Who dares to love forever... when love must die? ~ Freddie Mercury
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Old May 10, 2012, 07:48 PM   #4
Beatrix the Goddess
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Glad to hear you're doing better From what I've gathered you're a strong and wonderful woman (now I sound like a hyponosis tape...XD) - seriously though, you will get through it and there's a great guy still out there somewhere for you. Just make sure he's up to scratch.
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