a bad year

[Il Palazzo]

A month after I joined this forum, I started dating Amanda. She was my first real girlfriend, and it was... awesome. I loved her fiercly, and the next year and a half were awesome. But, this year it started going wrong.

I went off to university, while she stayed back, taking a gap year. So we were at a distance, and living very different lives. So, yeah, that seperated us a lot, but I still loved her, or thought I did. And then, this year... well, we almost split up way back in February, and I wish now we had. But she begged me to take her back, feeling she'd made a mistake, and I... well I said yes.

And then I go back to university and she went off to work in the middle of Wales. And there she didn't visit once. I barely ever heard from her- she was almost impossible to contact, so I had to rely on her getting in touch with me, which she rarely ever did. I thought many times of breaking up with her, and then she'd get in touch and I'd feel better.

Then I discovered she'd slept with someone. Just a one night stand, and I forgave her, but was of course upset that she had betrayed me. I asked her to phone me, made her promise, becuase shes never very good at keeping promises.

Surprise surprise, she didn't phone. And so I resolved to break up with her. So in a months time, whne university ends and she comes home, I invite her round to break up with her. And she actually tried to break up with me first. Which, thinking about it now, should have struck me as odd. She's not the sort who's got the guts to do that normally. But anyway, it was a mutual thing, and uh, we promised to stay friends and all that, and we sort of did.

Then I find out she was seeing a fucking 36 year old called Dave while dating me. I found out from a friend who has been very supportive- she's great, and has stuck up for me, and does the job of hating Amanda. Thats the problem, I don't hate Amanda. I admit today I'm in a real blue funk, but I kept thinking that it was her at the door, on the phone, I was inwardly praying it'd be her, begging to get back with me.

And thats stupid, because even if she did want to, we couldn't. I could never trust her again. She has lied to me, and failed me, so many times, but I still, pathetically, love her. I don't want her dating this 36 year old, not because UI don't want her dating anyone- which is of course true, but mainly because I think its a horrible idea. Shes 19 for crying out loud.

I dunno what I'm trying to say by this. I know- or at least I think, that I am better off now, and I should have ended it long ago, and I need to find someone else more dependable than her. Maybe whether I should cut contact with her? Because I'm friends with a lot of her friends, but if I decide to completely cut all contact with her, I will lose touch with a large proportion of them, who know Amanda better than me, so their partisan support will be for her.

Sigh.

[RunicSword]

That was pretty depressing. It must really feel bad to still care for her, even though she did what she did. Do you know this "Dave" at all? What kind of guy do you think he is? 19 to 36 is a pretty large age gap. But at least she is of age to decide for herself who she want's to be with. Man , I wish I could tell you what the right thing to do is, but all I can say is to gather some more information and then do what you think is best. Try sitting down and talking to her. Tell her that, while it is not best to see each other anymore, you still care for her and just don't want to see her get hurt. You just want what is best for her.

Hope that helps at all. Bad times... Bad times...

[Letara]

If she want's to, at least, stay in contact with you, then you should stay in contact with her too. But don't see her too often, because you will need some time to get rid of the feelings you got for her. This might take a good while, but you will probably be surprised how one day you will see her and suddenly you don't want to have that girl anymore.
Yes, just take a little brake. That's the best way. It has helped me too.

[seph]

Distance relationships really suck.... love is a very dangerous thing.... It can hurt. But after reading this.. i can offer one peice of advice... Move on. Ya it sucks, i know. But sometimes you just haveto take it up the arsh and move on. See what i mean? And if you do happen to see her walking around the street (singing do,a diddy, diddy dumb, diddy do) just remember that she wasnt trustful... or loyal. And if you still have feelings for her, read my advice over and over.

[Beatrix the Goddess]

Well we've talked about this before Ciddy...and I stand by what I said- a clean break up will be easier in the longrun.....unless they're like, your closest friends, I'd try & move on from Amanda's circle. Otherwise you're just lingering in something you need to leave behind. Look at it this way- at least this didn't happen when you were married & the wrong side of 40. You're young, you're at university, you've got a whole life of opportunity ahead of you. There's plenty of new things, and people, out there. You're bound to meet someone better, so if I were you I'd just enjoy life and wait for the right person to come along. You've got your friends (including one who feels very very guilty for not being around more often..), your family, and soon a First Class Honours degree I expect. Your life isn't as empty as you think it is. There is someone out there for you, and in the longrun you'll be glad you broke up with Amanda and found that person. So anyway, keep smiling; not everyone's a cheating love rat. Anyone who's ever been cheated on has a deeper understanding of integrity than most, I think. And there are plenty of them out there. Just don't do the whole backlash thing & have loads of flings, otherwise I'll..delete all your Tetris scores or something

[Il Palazzo]

Meh, thanks guys. Well, I'm being outwardly magnaminus to Amanda, as it doesn't cost me anything. Luckily I'm off to university soon so I don't have to see her again for a long time. While I think a clean break is the best way to do it, I don't think I'll be able to, owing to me inability to hate the girl. But hey, better to have loved and lost, right?