Being Different. Share Your Experiences...

[Sakura]

Being different.....
I've always been different...different than other childrens.....other ppl....
My mom left me when I was 1....and my dad got another woman...well...nth reli much happened....except 1 time when I went to c my real mom.....and my stepmom knows.....and she didn't let me eat dinner...and I had to kneel for the whole nite....and my dad couldn't do anything.....
I feel so different becuz everyday afterschool....parents come and pick their son/daughter back home...but me....I had to go home by myself....and other ppl laughed at me.....

After my half-bro is born...things started to change.....
She starts treating me reli badly.....but....well....fine....I could live with it....but when we immigrated to Toronto....we were living in my aunts house.....my 2 old cousins didnt' like me, and they blamed everything on me if sth was wrong....and I had to do everything in the house like cleaning, cooking, washing, u name it, I did it....since there r 3 floors in that house....it was reli hard for me to do everything becuz I had hwks to do too.....I had no friends at that time...becuz I reli hv no time to know friends....
And I got separated from my friends in HK....

My dad couldn't tolerate this anymore...so he left to Vancouver with me....onli me and him....life was hard....cuz he has work...and I had to do everything in the house....again~
I had absolutely no time...to go out and meet friends....and by that time...I knew the main reason y we left Toronto....was becuz my dad found another woman.....but later on...that woman dumped him....and he was reli sad.....had a car accident too...I was so worry.....we had no $$ or anything....and he's working hard and stuff....so when he was in the hospital, he told me to fone my stepmom and tell her that he's sorry, to c if she would forgive my dad....and so we headed back to Toronto....

Well, after a few weeks, she starts to be reli mean again....
I reli couldn't stand her.....but I had to...and I learned to hide my feelings at all time...pretend that I am hapi....but sumtimes....I just run to my room and cry.....then I had no idea when and how.....did my dad got another new gf in Vancouver....and so he decided that we should left again...I reli couldn't say anything...becuz he's my dad...and I believe that his decision should be always rite.....so I left with him again....

This time....this woman alreadi got a son and a daughter....
They're both younger than me....my sis is onli 1 year younger than me....I had sum frds when I was in gr.8, first year of highschool....but when my sis starts to go to highschool too....she said she feels left out when me and my frds hang out....so I introduced my frds to her too....but as time passes by....the ppl that fones me everyday r gone now....they all went to my sis....they all foned her and chat....and my fone/cellfone never rings after that....I duno wut she said to them....but I was sure she said sth to them that made them change.....until now....I hv a screwed up family and I hv no frds.....I've talked to her about it....but all she said was that she didn't do anything....she's being so disrespectful each time I c her....she doesn't even treat me as her older sister....when I talk to her, she pretends that she didn't hear it....she's onli nice to me when my dad and her mom is here....I've tried telling my dad...but all he said was just ignore her becuz she's still young.....but she took all my frds now....

I just feel reli lonely....but....wut can I do????

[Vivi_Stalker]

7 months after I was born, I started talking. o_0
I could read before I was in Kindegarten, with help from my brother. I caught on very quickly...
In 1st grade, we had to take books home each week and read them... I never did. The cover art on kid's books are so stupid. And they were old, falling apart and smelly. So, my teacher thought I couldn't read, and yelled at me for it front of the class. Daily. So everybody picked on me till I yelled, "I can TOO read!" So I picked up a Clifford book, and read the whole thing aloud while glaring at my teacher and peers. I sure showed them.

For reading, the biggest part of the grade was when the people from the state came in to test us on how many words we could read out loud to them. They didn't have ENOUGH for me. They went as far as they could, to about Freshman level and decided that I was too advanced.

But, I was VERY antisocial when I was young. Besides my brother, there we NO children to play with before school started. So, of course, I adapted my habits of talking to myself, and being generally boyish. In my closet there were Barbies and G.I Joes. :p I always liked the G.I Joes better. They didn't smile psychotically at me... >_<

So, when I got to kindegarten, I was swept away with everything. mainly that there were other people besides my immediate family in the world and on the TV. There was this one shy girl...She was kinda fat, and nobody talked to her. Total opposite of cute, loud, obnoxious me...I was the center of attention for most of that year. There was nothing I wouldn't do, seeing as how my brother taught me everything I knew. I noticed she'd always hide when I'd turn around. She'd contantly follow me, and I was SCARED.
But eventually, she became one of the best friends I have in school....To this very day. Sara was her name, but I would later come to fear that name, because of the memories it brought.

In 1st and 2nd grade, I was made fun of terribly because of EVERYTHING. I had my long beautiful hair chopped off by an incompetent barber, and I resembled a Cotton ball quite closely.

To match that, I was poor. Still am. My clothes were often too small or stupid looking. And, I never wore a dress. I was too tomboyish, and my mother was afraid a pedophile would have a feild day if I started playing with my tights. >_< So, teachers and children alike thought I was a boy. "Oh, what a cute brother you've got!" was the most common thing people said to my older brother.
In third grade, my one weakness in academics surfaced. Math. We started Multiplication that year, and we were supposed to memorize it. The teacher would give us daily tests, with 40 problems. We had 5 minutes to complete it. I would just shake and cry while the timer ticked down. I didn't understand a damn thing, and she never answered my questions, nor would she give me extra help.
I even turned to my mother for help, but when i continually didn't understand what she was telling me, she would yell and scream...Right in my face and tell me how stupid I was. "You should just drop out now! But once you're 18, you're OUT of school! I can plainly see it isn't doing ANY good!" And the like.
I really liked that teacher, but she HATED me. I had the most imagination of all the students, and though she was on the "be original, be yourself" kick, she thought I was either retarded, or had some very big mental problems. I didn't, but aftter she put me through all that, I did.
Skip a few fun, but unevenful years, to Sixth grade... Everyone would at least greet me cheerfully when I walked in. I was as popular as I could ever hope to be.
Here, I had the worst and best teacher ever. She had previously taught in a school for under acheiving boys... And due to a family issue the night of my first day, I hadn't completed the first assignment. She dove right into me in front of everyone. "What were you doing? Watching TV? You stupid slacker... I can see under your skin already. You just wait..." I sent my mother after the witch at parent teacher conference time, and she was set straight. She was shocked that she treated me that way. And to find that I was a shy, good-natured, bright student with some family issues.
From then on, we were on good terms, but she still lit into me if I missed an assignmet. I was afraid to go to school if I hadn't finished the last sentence on my grammar papers! hock:
Inevitably, she graded things wrong as a new teacher would, and gave everyone a failing grade for English.
I was horrified before I learned her mistake. I skipped merrily home clutching my first report card for the year, and opened it in front of my mother. I broke down in hysterical tears when I saw the big "F" on it.
That basically broke my resolve. I'd been literally working myself to death for school, only for that final blow to hit me right in the heart. To add insult to injury, I was having SEVERE family problems. Through out the years, my brother had been the cause of a lot of strife at home. And I think my mother is a hypochondriac.
>_< So, eventually, everyone started noticing these little spells I would have on stressful occasions. "Tweak outs" My friends and I called them. I'd just get progressively quieter and squeakier when I'd talk, I'd shake and tremble all the time, and I hardly ever spoke to anyone. So, they carted me off to see a shrink, who decided I was a headcase, and stuck me on anti-depressants. For a while, I was happy....I didn't tweak so much. But, as I've said. I'm really poor as far compared to most people I know. I'm a step away from living in a filthy trailer park... So eventually, insurance stopped covering my meds, and I couldn't have them anymore.
This was at the start of 7th grade....Middle School. I was fine at first, but then, out of the blue, my friends abandoned me because I was "Crazy, a geek, a cry baby, etc". I was alone for the first time in my life... My first friend, Sara had been the ringleader to this whole ordeal. By this time, I wasn't very social, so I couldn't go make new friends. For the first time, I walked with my eyes to the ground, not seeing anything but hate and betrayal. I'd lost purpose, a sense of direction. I was an empty shell. Everything I did was something for my peers to pick apart and torture me with. I consistantly was absent from school...
I was prone to violent outbursts as well...All these years, trying to be a good person, I locked away my hatred and vengefulness. I'm not sure when, but eventually the dam broke and I was basically a live wire, shocking anything in my path. I couldn't count any aqquaintences I'd made as friends, for fear I'd be left behind again.
But in my solitude, I polished the new me. I began to have actual intrests... I'd always loved to draw, but seeing a site full of anime fan art... I drew a lot to perfect what I saw as the most beautiful and expressive form of art ever.
I also began to develop my love of video games. I'd always liked them, once I got over my fear of them, I enjoyed them. But since there wasn't much else to do, I absorbed myself in them. And, always being a bookworm, I read more and more...Aqquainting myself with Fantasy books. You could probably guess that once I heard of rpgs, I was immediately enthralled with them. They were my escape from things... A different world. I could stare at a blank wall for hours and dream about my own fantasy tale.
And all at once, I knew what I should do. I drew until I came up with enough designs...and began to write a novel. My own fantasy... I'm still doing it too. I polished my writing skills very well during that time, as well as my art. Games fueled my fire.
But who would I share these things with? Not my family...They couldn't care less.
So I decided to get 'net-savy.

I went to the forums for IGN.com, where I got all my gaming news. I met a few people, and I was suprised to find that people liked me! I actually had a personable air about me? I found a good friend. A friend I value above all others, who only knowing for 2 years now, I feel as though I've known forever. He was my outlet to be myself, because we were so alike.
I was whole... I no longer was without purpose. That chat aspect of my life gave me 2 things: Some friggin' social interaction, and typing skillz. ^^;;
8th grade was a whole lot better...I still didn't have many true friends, but I tried, and people didn't think as badly of me anymore. Instead of failing, i got on the Honor Roll every quarter. Not very eventful....It went by so fast.
But in the summer before my current Freshman year st highschool started, I got a phonecall from a vaguely familiar number.... My old friend Sara. She'd wanted to apologize for the longest time, but thought I'd open up a can of whoop-arse on her. I cried and accepted immediately... I could start fresh.
On the first day, we just went around to every class, then at the end of the day, spent a few hours in the auditorium listening to music. We sprawled over the seats and sang songs and our own ad-lid parodies... And retold all our familiar jokes.
I was happy. And then, I said something I'll never forget.
"Today, I've reclaimed all that was owed to me. I'm home. "

That's where I am now. Still having family problems, still feeling insecure about myself. I've made new friends, and I can almost be myself. I'm still not as pretty as I need to be in order to not be picked on now and again...But I just walk past the mirror and cope. I still have days where I'd rather die than keep on living this private hell that goes on behind the scenes... But inevitably, my friends, my hopes, my dreams for the future still keep me afloat. I hope I'll never again drown in my sorrows. I always have somewhere to go.

Because I'm almost home.

[Chibi Rikku]

Okay, here's mine...

I was pretty wild from when I was 0-5...

Ages 0-2: I really don't remember much. Pretty much a normal life, I guess.

Age 3: I was really wild, and a trouble maker. I did all sorts of crazy things. I smeared lotion on the windows, I somehow openned the fridge and got a dozen of eggs out, and...dropped them on the floor. And I sprinkled parmajon (SP? I have no clue.) cheese all over the house, and probably did many other things I cannot recall. I was really strange.

Age 4: My dad died from cancer, and we moved closer to our other family, where I am today. Otherwise I was probably still kinda wild..

Age 5: Kindergarden. I was really popular, because I was loud and crazy. I got into trouble and didn't care. Well that changed.

Age 6: Grade 1. My shyness suddenly appeared, even though I was still kinda wild, I became sorta shy. But I did meet one of my best friends, Anna, who I am still friends with today! I got teased a bit from the snobs, because I was tomboy-ish, meaning I played videogames and didn't like the girly-girl stuff. I hated first grade, I really didn't have a true friend in the whole class.

Age 7: Grade 2. The shyness started kicking in more.. But Anna was in my class. I could now read, and I was the only one who got an A on this big test..So I suppose I was pretty smart. The teacher literally said, "Stand up, you're the only one who got an A!" The classroom was a joined one, meaning there were two rooms and a whole in the wall, where one teacher taught English and Science, the other taught math. The math teacher was evil...I hate her.

Age 8: Grade 3. I met Meredith and Chelsea, two people whom are still my friends today, and Anna was in my class. A bad thing was that Anna was good friends with a you-know-what named Dana, who I will always hate. She clung to Anna, and she didn't like me, meaning she was basically my rival for Anna's friendship. If something didn't work our her way, she'd start balling and then Anna would feel bad for her. She treated me like I didn't know anything. I never had done anything bad to her, she just didn't like me because I was there. Someone to take her best friend's attention away from her. Gosh, I hated Dana..still don't like her much.

Age 9: Grade 4. It was similar to 2nd grade and 3rd grade. It was a joined class, the History teacher was evil, the Math and Science teacher was nice. (both grades the Science and Math teachers were my "homeroom" teachers, so I was lucky.) Sometime during the winter, I got pretty sick. I missed school for about two weeks, because of this bug I had. And then, after this year, Dana moved! That was good for me.

Age 10: Grade 5. I loved this year! My group of friends grew, I met my "twin," Cassie, who was just as crazy as I was. Only bad thing was my classes were on the highest part of the school, and it wasn't air-conditioned. So it was VERY HOT in the late summer and spring. We had three teachers, and they all taught in seperate classrooms. The worst class was Gym...the teacher was a creep...he was a pervert to little kids..he got fired after that year for that. But overall, my three homeroom teachers ruled.

Age 11: Grade 6. Blah year. Math was incredibly boring, which was mainly the teacher's fault, and my friends and I will always make jokes about him. Science, I hated the teacher sometimes, and liked her others, and Social studies, I liked the teacher. The math teacher taught English since he was our homeroom teacher. He was also obsessed with baseball, and made us do some pointless project on Baseball teams...

Age 12: Grade 7. Middle school...I hate middle school. Started getting more homework, the principals were extremely annoying. Art class was terrible. The stupid teacher made us sit in alphabetical order, so I was stuck at a table with this jerk named Jay, Brett, and Patrick. Well Those two were okay, but I hate Jay. He wasn't so bad then, but he turned into some dork who goes around making fun of everyone he sees. He says the stupidest a person could say. If he see's someone who looks like they're from a different country, he'd be like, "AHAHAHAH!! Look at him!!" And pathetic things like that. But I liked every other class except art class, and P.ed, because I hate running. ...and I got my period this year...evil....evil, evil!

Age 13: Grade 8. Not a good year, I started feeling really different from people in seventh grade, but everyone really started making me feel different now. I didn't really get picked on, but everyone just liked things I didn't. I mean..I'm probably the only girlgamer there was in my school. Besides maybe one other person. Well, serious girlgamer, not one that just goes to the arcade and plays a game just a few times..you get the picture. I started feeling so worthless, and I was such a downer. I started getting into fights with my mom, and I feel so bad now. I tried commiting suicide after I got into these fights with my family...by trying to smother myself with my blankets, and school just didn't seem worth it. I was so out of place. I was so into videogames(I always had been but my real obsession came in middle school.) I was so different from other people. I was depressed. I begged my mom for me to stay home from school each day. But I grew out of my depression. My mom and I had a talk about how it wouldn't be any good to commit suicide, and how it wouldn't do anyone else any good if I was gone. It'd just screw up everyone else's lives, and how teenage years are the worst years of one's lives, in a lot of cases. So I kept that in mind, and things improved.

Age 14: Grade 9. Highschool. The hallways were soo crowded, they still are. I can't stand it. A huge change from all the other schools I've been in is once I reached highschool, the classes were twice the length, but we had half as many (8 classes a day to 4, and we went from 45 minuit classes to an hour and 30 minuit long classes.) Well since I was a little freshmen, of course the seniors and juniors would be like, "stupid little freshmen..." but we'd get our chance, right?

Age 15: Grade 10. Pretty much the same as Grade 9, same crowded hallways, but there isn't the freshmen problem. Still, the classes, especially the boring ones like math, seem to drag on. And no P.ed this year! Still, I cannot relate to the people who go around shouting in the hallways, and are into all the "latest trends" But my friends help with that, since we are alike. Not all of my friends play RPGs, but we all relate to not being into the latest "trends," hating P.ed, like reading, doing the computer, ect, ect, so they make me feel in place when I'm with them.
And that's where I am now!

Pretty long post, hmmm?

[Dark Alexander]

Hmm.. Being different...

well first of I'm bisexual, which means there's a whole world of difference right there. Not straight but not gay, people in either group will resent you for "not committing" which is pure bullshit, but it happens anyway.

Back at my old high school, I ddin't really feel left out or made fun of (well.. I was closetted for most of it) and some people may even consider me quite popular. I play Dungeons and Dragons, Dance Dance Revolution, Para Para Paradise and love any sort of RPG. These activities are loathed by a lot of people and I don't talk about any of this stuff in my new school.

hmm... bah... I'll edit this when I get home I've got school in a bit

[Yuri]

Well here goes mine...

Age: 0-5 Those where the crazy days back then. My whole family was moving to one place to the other. I never did like it because those first 2 years when in was in Pre- K and Kindergarden I had no friends at all. Its hard to be moving all around but finally we stop in one state and one city that I really liked and which of course is where I'm living.

Age: 6 I was still in kindergarden and I went to this school and there where nothing but hispanic kids and they would often talk all lot of bad stuff to new kids and trust me you will never wanted to hang out with them because the usually get in trouble all the time. You will had to be surprised beacuse they knew alot of bad words that an 6th grade would know!hock:

Age: 7 I was in first grade I was very smart back then. I kind of didn't have any friends. I loved to hang out in the woods in my school. They had an area where kids could hang out and I will always hang out there.

Age:8 2nd grade was not that worst you won't get picked on.I kind of like it alot!

Age: 9-11 They where starting to be really picky on you then they will fing kids to jump after school luckly I was not one of them.At that age I was very different from everyone. They use to say I was kind of a freak. Hey I had no problems with that!

And all through here I'm kind of the same only more different. They think I'm some kind of headbanger.But I'm not. They tell me that I wear weird clothes that don't match with me. One year I was at a sleepover and they where putting me all sorts of make-up and I didn't like it.They where messing with my hair these girls. They told me to wear more girls stuff. I just told them this is they way I am I like to be like this. So after that my life is being so good to me.

[BloodStarDragoon]

how am i different well i guess i am different due to my sexuality as well as my hobbies and my spiritaliuty i am bi and i agree with dark alexander there are many of the straight and gay comunity who do resent bi's be it for we do not comit to being ether gay or straight persanlly i like having the best of both worlds but thats me and thers is another reason that I have seen why both the gay and straight community may resent bi's i have a few friends some girls some guys who just have a pure hatred and loathing of the oppsite sex i dont see how they can but they do and they dont understand how i can find beauty and love in the female and male body but to me it more of the person then what gender they are My hobbies are much like dark alexanders i play D&D alot as well as DDR i also like to write short stories and poems but i think the man hobby of mine that makes me differnt from the normal crowed is my love of dance any and all kinds of dance but most of all i like trance dancing this also helps with my spirituallity. One to my spirituallity i have been doing a lot of looking for myself ever sense i came to terms with my sexuality and i have find that no one relegion is right for me let me explain i have read up on many differnet relegions and find out that alot of the beleaves from many differnt one are what i beleave in but i dont beleave in all the belaves of just on so i have combined the core beleafs of them all into my own little path i been talking to many people and they told me that what i have done boarders on neo-paganism so i guess if you want to look at it that way yes i an a pagan oh to those who now what paganism is yes i do pratice rituals that where the dancing comes into play have native american blood flowing through my veins and i have also done some research into my ansestral back ground and found out that some where along the line i am descended from a shaman of one of the two tribes that blood runs through me so i have taken the the shamiac practices but as with my beleave its a mixture of druidic shamanac wicca and draconic. well there you ahve it im strange aint i well atleast i know who and what i am and i have fun thats all that s counts right

[Cheetah]

I've always been known as the quiet guy for most of my life...since I was 4. Back then, I was considered somewhat of a weird child, not talking to anyone, not playing what all the other kids played, not interacting with any other people in any way (unless I had to). I was mainly a loner, sorta still am to this day. Well, I am very different from other people in many ways. Basically, I am the type of person who's caring, thoughtful, loving, and always trying to be a friend to someone. That's basically the tender side of me. I also like to fun with almost everything, but sometimes I am very serious about things that I say and do. Some people say that I can be at times, intimidating, which I don't personally think that I in any way intimidate anyone. A few people even used to say that I scared them because I was so quiet all the time. I wouldn't say a word to anyone, unless I had to. And I admit that, I did scare some people, and also it has occured to me that I had some sort of problem with this silent treatment thing. It all started...

...In my schooling years, I guess I can say that I wasn't so much teased, just unpopular...and quite frankly, I didn't really give a rat's tail about being popular back then...and still don't to this day. In fact, I liked being unpopular...I got to keep to myself, and stay quiet and out of trouble. Exactly what I liked back in grade school. The only time I would actually speak, is when I was spoken to by a teacher, another adult, or someone who I really thought was mature (for their age) and spoke to me about something decent, or funny, or whatever. I never did care too much for things that didn't concern me, or things that people said that were immature. Quite frankly, I can't stand an immature person, especially back then. But as I said in another topic, I cannot do anything about the person being immature, and I'll have to deal with it, and so I did. Back then, I was pretty much the only person who had one friend who was a female. Her name was Shannon. She was just like me...and I liked that. People then began making fun of Shannon and I...because, in their words, "You are not like us...you are uncool." Did I care? No. Did she care? No. So, quite frankly, we didn't really give a rat's tail about what they said about us, or anyone, for that fact. We just kept on with our lives as normal.

By the time I was 14, however, things changed drastically. In March, we had moved to a townhouse neighborhood that was full of life...full of activity...full of people. During the first week or so, the people next door to me, moved out and in the next three days, another family moved in. They had a 14-year old boy named Adam. At first, I was reluctant to go over and meet him, but, something inside me...whatever it was, persuaded me to go over there and say my hellos. It's like I had changed or something. But anyway, I went over and introduced myself to him (and his little sister, Jessica) and he introduced himself to me. We talked for about half an hour and then that's when he said, "You are my very first friend." I was stunned. I had finally met a person who had no friends...like me, had the same interests as me, had pretty much the same video game systems/games, watched the same programs as me...and so on and so on. From that moment on, Adam and I were best friends.

So, one day, we went outside on the island and played something...I don't remember what it was...but we played something. (Oh, by the way, this "island" is a patch of grass in the circle with two big trees on it.) That's when I saw the three girls that lived in the same circle as Adam and I. They were Tricia, who was 14, Penny, who was 13, and Tiffani, who was 15, and my first "crush." They came over to the island and they started to introduce themselves to me and Adam. We told them that we were the new kids in the 'hood, and they said, "Finally, we have some guys in our neighborhood. Most of the children and teenagers here are girls." I just smiled, and for the first time in my life, I was actually happy. I was happy that I had friends, female and male. We had a lot of good times on that island, we did. I think for the first time, I had put away my so-called "silent side." Between the ages of 14 and 17, I had met a total of 25 new friends, including Daniel, Ken (who is actually a member of UFF9; won't give away his user-name though...hehe.) and many others. My silent-side was slowly beginning to go away.

But, my silent-side wouldn't go away entirely, at least not yet. It did once I met a certain 19-year old (now 20) sweetie online named Kellie. Oh gosh, she completely turned my life around. I talked to her online in a chat room for about four or five months sometime early 2001. We talked and I eventually figured out from all the things she's told me, that she was from the same town that I was.



The first thing on my mind, was to go meet her in person. She gave me hints on where to meet her. It was our local mall...go figure. Well, I was on my way out when I turned around (while still walking toward the door) and saw this nice jacket that was on sale. And that's when it happened. The collision. NO, NOT WITH THE GLASS DOORS! The collision with her. Ouch. I told her that I was deeply sorry for running into her, and like a gentleman, I helped her up. I introduced myself to her, and she was like, "I know you!" I was like...hock: "You're Mike, right?" Naturally, I said yes. She told me her name was Kellie. I was like... , then, , then I was so surprised! You'd think I was having a heart attack or something. So, anyway, we met and talked and blah-blah-blah...yakkety-shmacketied for a while, and now look where I am.

So, anyway...I am no longer the quiet, silent type person, at least not 24-7. I am no longer teased, or ridiculed or anything, more like respected, loved, and appreciated because I'm not like other people. I actually like my life; sure there were rough times, parents, and school, and moves, but that's all in the past.

I am happy as a Beastly should be....all the time.

[BloodStarDragoon]

hey beastly what do you mean bye you being the quit type you where never quit in school at least when you where arund me but that was i guess due to the fac that you where always getting me out of all of trouble i had caused that period

[Kaii]

Originally posted by Sylverline
hmmm....

Well My past is quite hard to understand to some people....I'm half English...and half alsaceian (Alsace is a region in France that was taken over by Germany in WW2 so has french and german culture and stuff...but mostly french)

My dad-who was french met my mum-who is english when he was working in england...they got together and stuff then went back to france and that's where I was born...

When I was around 3 years old...mum and dad split...mum went back to england taking me with her....

since then I hardly ever got to see dad because of the difficulty of travelling over to France..because of the cost and everything else...and the other thing was the language...when I was younger I couldn't understand anything...so I felt alone...really depressed...even as I grew up and began to learn to learn the language I still felt that same lonliness...and even now that I'm near enough fluent in Alsace/French I still feel out of place....like I don't belong there...

As some people might remember...during the summer I left the boards for a short amount of time...because my dad had become ill...unfortunatly...it turned for the worse...

It took me one hell of a while to get over it...since I never got to see him or be there for him when he needed me...hell...I wasn't even allowed to go to his funeral...

So I've been going through a long period of anger towards...everything...sadness for my dad...one that loved me....bitterness towards everything that held me back...and respect for everything that man taught me....

So now I'm more "Grown up" then I used to be and I actually arrange for myself to go to france...and my own home I have over there now and the rest of my family there...and the rest of my past...

*huggles Kat* I kinda think I get it...I cant say I fully understand or I'd be lying. I'm not you, how can I know how you feel? But if you ever need someone to talk to... :\

[_Vincent_]

All my life, I was treated differently...why? I had glasses. Just because they THOUGHT I wasn't into sports, and that I had glasses, I was a nerd, a geek, and all of that crud. I never really figured out why. Why did they treat me like that?

Then, later on, I tried to be popular because I was tired of not fitting in. So....Well, let's just say I tried that for about 6 months untill I realized it wasn't working. They just didn't accept me. Like a credit card without any money....or something like that.

Then, this year, I tried out for the basketball team. Since there were only 30 spots and 64 people trying out, I figured that I wouldn't make it, but I tried my hardest. I didn't make it, but I became manager. Now during practice, they all say: Hey, manager, give us the last ball, you're not on the team! LEt us preactice! Well, I don't really have a choice. They think they can boss me around just because they made the team. Well, real quick, I have one thing to say to them: What would you do If you didn't your jerseys every game? What if you didn't get to tje basketball game? D*mnit, we're a part of the team too.

Then, in my past, along to go with the first paragraph, I was was always the smart one, I could read and write early, I was in advanced classes(Challenge) in 2nd grade....But...I still ask one question: why?

[Amy]

OMG OMG OMG It's no surprise -- I am different than all.
Then again, that's what the post is for, innit?

First off, I'm not going to recite my entire life story, because I have chosen to blur most of it from 8th grade to when I was born, partly because I was traumatized in 8th grade and I didn't really remember anything of my early childhood.

Secondly. I am different in the way I believe in religion. I am not a firm believer in organized religion or god. I thing pagan/witchcraft and all that is bullshit (no offence to those of you interested in it or who are in fact pagan, hopefully no hateful PMs after this --'), and I think that if you are forced to believe that if you do something wrong 'GOD' is coming to get you is bullshit. I DO however believe that there is a higher power, or higher powers, that are unnamed and unlisted in the universe, but they aren't the least bit organized and they aren't something that is contained. As it's been said, 'Everything has a purpose in the universe'. I think that everyone has to believe in something, yes, but why not flowers? Why not bubbles? ..okay, you got it, this is beginning to sound like it should be posted in the Debate forum!! lol..

I am different in the fact that I have a handicapped brother. Not many people know this, most of my friends do. He's not paralyzed or mentally retarded or anything. I dunno what the correct term is, but he had a bunch of strokes that make it so he can't talk, he can't walk, but he does communicate and he does move around. He is smart, we're able to tell through his expressions and such, so yeah. I have never had someone curse me off or say i'm a freak because of it; then again I've never known a true asshole to say so.

I am different in the fact that I am the only one in my family with green eyes ^__^ my mom's side of the family has brown and she has blue, my dad has blue and his side of the family has brown, so how you get green out of that, go figure! my brother's are GRAY. yeah, it's nuts. Probably why I am the only smart one out of them all O_o and that is another thing.

I am different in the fact that I 'look like a freak/goth/skater/punk/misc' but you know what? Labels are stupid. I wear clothes kiddies, CLOTHES. they're flaming classified, GOOD FOR YOU YOU CAN CLASSIFY, JOIN BIOLOGY IF YOU WANT TO DO THAT. I have bondage pants, wooo. I have black, woo i'm dark. I have 14g piercings, I'm so freak. You caught me, darn. O_O COME ON!! I like my clothes, but I am not the 'trend' type. I wear what I wear because I love what I wear, and it's comfortable. It matches the way I think and feel, but should not depict I'm Depressed I hate the world etc.. I don't hate the world, the depression is a different thing.

I am different for the fact that I am still a virgin. O_O wow too much info, right? Well, I am. I am waiting, and I'm sure that sounds so prude. I just don't want to fuck it up. It won't be perfect, but the reason why it's different is for the simple fact out of all my friends at school, I'm the only one left. 3 or 4 of them have / have had diseases. My point for staying so.

I am different in the fact I love to write. I would be nowhere without it. I'm not really any good, but when I finish, I usually have a clearer head and a better outlook.

I am different because for the past 3 years I have had some form of depression -- although never went to a doctor -- but I know it's what it is all the same. I have my good and bad days, but I don't like to share it with people because I feel like I am burdening them with my problems when they clearly have theirs. I have snapped on people all the time and said I was sorry, it's a continuing pattern, and it does in fact get old. It goes back to the 'I don't want to share with you in fear of you rejecting me' thing. I just can't. Through this, to you, I will always seem cheery unless stated otherwise, I never want to give a bitchy impression.

I am different because I have the state of mind of a 4 year old on things. I love being a child sometimes, happeh and such. It just makes things disappear for a little while, although they'll be back, I just need a minute to be happy like everyone else!

I am different because I have spent over 3 years with my own thoughts, and when I share them, they're usually deep and usually thouroughly (YOU try to spell that XD lol) thought over. Probably why I get down a lot. I also have thought up something genius but already known..

If you look at a picture, you see something. If another person looked at that same picture, they see something entirely different. They might have the same idea, but never really the same.

Deep, innit.

I dunno, I'm different for so many reasons, way too many to list. So, if you really want to know, just PM. I am interesting I guess.. right.

[Ozma Omega]

I`ve decided to write a new post in here because there were some things I didn`t get to say in my old one, and I`ve sort of changed a little since then. And just a warning, if you thought that was long, I don`t recommend reading this one. It`s one heck of a ramble!

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah, I`ve been different and kind of an outsider all my life.
I`ve always been more insecure, shy and silent than all my friends. While the other kids played football/soccer, I sat on a bench with a pencil, drawing pictures of various things. I was never into fighting or sports, I was a real philosopher, I fell in love for the first time when I was 8... you get the picture.
I was one of the smart kids. I started learning to talk when I was 1 &#189; year old, to read, write and calculate when I was 4, and I learned the alphabet by heart when I was 5. I`m a person who really hates to hurt others, and I`m not, or have never been particularly ‘cool.’ I`m not good at any sports, except snowboarding and maybe bowling. And when it comes to what`s popular, popular music, clothes, movies, etc, I really couldn`t care less.

My years in kindergarten were pretty good. I met my best friend (for 11 years) there. I was pretty hyper at times, and gave the teachers there a really hard time. Especially this one woman, Dagne Elise. (What a name! ) In other words, I was pretty much like all the other kindergarten kids. When I turned 6, it wasn`t long until I was going to start school. I found out I needed glasses a few weeks before that. When my first schoolday came, I had very high expectations. I didn`t know anyone, but I was still really excited. I met a girl in the first break who I had a lot in common with, (Video games! )
but after a few days she found another best friend, and forgot all about me. Then, since I didn`t know anyone else, I walked around alone in the school breaks. Some older guys soon realised that I was the perfect victim for bullying. They said things to me that really hurt. (It did then, but it was all childish) School was nothing like I imagined it to be, I didn`t like it at all. I did get a few friends later that year though.
One, who was a bit older than me scared away the bullies! Things started to lighten up.

In second grade a new girl came into our class. Julie. I never talked to her, I was way too shy, but I started developing feelings for her. The good thing was, none of the other guys seemed to like her, so no competition. I still didn`t dare talking to her, I suppose I was hoping that she would. I was still bullied, but not as much as I used to. With my friend around, people backed off a little. Third and fourth grade weren`t very different, except that I started learning english at school, one of my favourite subjects. I was still in love with Julie.

In fifth grade when I was 10, my friend suddenly started completely ignoring me. I didn`t understand why, but I made some new friends at my age a little later. The bullying started to get worse, and I became more and more shy and insecure.
On Julie`s birthday, I managed to build up enough courage to give her a present, a little teddy bear... no, actually three teddy bears. She thanked me for it and gave me a hug. I jumped around the rest of the day. I thought she liked me too, and that just maybe there was hope.

Sixth grade was just horrible. Even though I had some good friends, there were some people, two in particular, who did everything they could to ruin my life. They knew how to do it too. They knew exactly what to say to hurt me the most.
It was this year that (what I think was) my second worst bullying incident happened. This guy who was one year older than me followed me on my way home after school, and said a lot of hurtful things to me like “You`re so goddamn ugly, I don`t see how anyone could ever like you!” and “You`ll probably never get a girlfriend, as f*cking ugly as you are!”
It`s really awful when the worst things you think about yourself get confirmed by others like that. With tears in my eyes, I turned around and screamed “Shut the fuck up!!”
Then he walked over to me and punched me really hard in the stomach, and then just left. I was left on the road, crying my eyes out. On top of it all, one day the same year I recieved a letter from Julie. At first I thought and hoped it was a love letter, but when I read it, I saw that it was the exact opposite.
She didn`t like me at all, I was completely heartbroken.
But in a way, I think I already knew. I spent the rest of that day crying on the couch.

Seventh grade wasn`t very much better. One of the main bullies had moved away, but the others apparently did all they could to make up for it. I had managed to get over Julie though. I had completely lost contact with my friend from kindergarten. Yes, I still had friends, but they were never ‘real’ friends. When I was bullied, they just stood and watched, and whenever they talked to me it was just some kind of joke they told me. They were the kind of people you have fun with, but nothing more. Some of them took advantage of the fact that I was a person who couldn`t say no. One guy went from being my friend (barely) to being my enemy several times a week. He was more of a bully than a friend, but the many times he asked me “Friends?” I couldn`t say no, of course. But one day I did say no, and he became one of my worst enemies ever.
Pretty much the worst bully of them all. I had nothing left of my self-esteem, I felt like no one cared about me at all. One good thing happened though. I found a sport I actually liked; snowboarding.

It eighth grade things seemed to get a little better. At first, that is. I spent a lot of time with the guys I called my friends, but didn`t have much in common with them at all. Near the end of the year, they all decided they were too cool for me. Well, a few of them did, but the others didn`t have enough guts to disagree with them, so they all threw me out of the group. In a way, I was happy about it, because they had been treating me like crap for a while. Then, since I was friendless again, people started a lot of false reputations about me. That led to even more bullying, but thankfully, it all happened right before the summer holidays.

Ninth grade was probably the worst schoolyear ever. It was when my worst bullying incident happened, I really don`t want to get into that right now. I didn`t have any friends left, and more and more people started picking on me. Making new friends was really hard, since I didn`t have any confidence left in me at all. I felt like a ruined person. At some point, I started getting suicidal thoughts. I had no one to talk to about my problems, so I kept them all bottled up inside. I have a great and loving family, but they`re not the kind of people you can talk to... well, I didn`t think so. But after some time I met some other people who seemed nice. I spent my school breaks with them, which made things a little bit easier. But there was one problem. I was too shy and insecure to even talk to them. I could see that it annoyed them that I almost never said anything, but I couldn`t help it. I began to realise i would never fit in with general society. All this, and many other things caused a lot of depression and stress, and my ability to concentrate about school and homework was weakened. I also sometimes didn`t have the energy to go to school, so I told my parents I was sick. This, of course, made my grades fall.
But one very good thing happened near the end of the year; I discovered Uff9. A place I actually felt like I fit into. When I made my topic in the LHH, it helped me a lot. It was the first time I had ever ‘told’ anyone about how I felt, which really made me feel better. I realised there were others who were, or had been in the same situation as me. It meant a lot to realise I wasn`t alone. Since then, I`ve been completely obsessed with this place!

Now I`m in tenth grade at my school, 15 years old. Things have started to get brighter now. I`ve started to realise more about myself, what kind of person I am. (With great help from some of you board members. ) But the scars are still there, and sometimes I can get really depressed. I get some strange mood-swings at times too; in one moment I can be fairly happy, but two hours later I get very sad. There isn`t so much bullying anymore, but I still have that ‘communication problem’ with some of my friends. I`m doing my best to get my grades up again, but it isn`t easy. This is the final year at this school, so I have to at least try. I don`t think I`ll ever consider suicide again, it`s just not worth it. When I start going to a new school next year, things will hopefully get better.

I`m sorry this post got a bit heavy. I got a little carried away.

EDIT: Wow, I didn`t think it would be that long!

[Aloha de Vivi]

Getting called a geek and nerd just because you have glasses!!??Damn,that's messed up....Here's my story......very pathetic.....

I'll just stat my story from 2nd grade......

I was just 8 or 7 when I was in 2nd grade.....then after the 2nd grade was over, during summer vacation I came here.....U.S.A.....then I entered the classroom of 3rd grade....I knew only a little English back then...kids were laughing at me because of my that....Korean accent, ya know?Yes, I got mad at this one kid and just stuck my middle finger and said "Mother fu*ker" and I got in big trouble for that......some were calling me Vietcong (fuck I hate that....ooh...shit!!) and Nip or Jap......pathetic......being called "Jap" and "Nip"!!??Damn, I remember who called me that....but they're scared of me now....once I punched one in the stomach....gladly he didn't tell the teacher.....I still get the teasing.......being called "Chino" which means Chinese in Spanish.....OH SHIT!!!!!What the fuck is wrong being Chinese, and besides I ain't even one....I'll survive....an another teasing, they'll go home with a black-eye....that is all......oh and I went throug all that in 4th now I'm in 5th almost close to 6th.....I just wanna say this to a kids that always bothers me....something wrong with their f!&$ing @$$ holes....shit...

[Sir Iron-tail Fratley]

I'm a city slicker from the Chicago area living in Groveland, CA, A.K.A. Hickville USA. My city roots are calling.............
"When the lights go down in the city
and the sun shines on the bay
Oohhh I want to be there in my city
wwwoooaaaaaaoaaaaaaaaaaoooooooooooooooooooo..."
"Lights" by Journey

[Frei]

Ok, I'll start my story-thing....

When I was a kid I was pretty smart. I didn't like other kids, taught myself to read when I was three, got glasses. Just a normal girl with a bit of intelligance.

Reception (kindergarten in america?): I made my first friend- Mike. I pulled his ear and we were mates. Heh. And I met Becky too, who was to become my BEST friend for a few years.

Year One: I was smart, but unpopular. I had Mike and Becky, and a boy called Jason who liked me, but I didn't like him.

Year Two: I became even more unpopular. A girl called Jade kept picking on me for no reason. I got stung by a wasp one day and cried, and everyone laughed and teased me so much I ran into the toilets and stayed there until a teacher came to find me. I was too smart for the teacher, according to her, so she unloaded me on the year above for a few lessons and ignored me the rest of the time.

Year Three: Guess what? Unpopular. Jason left, after bullying me to the point of tears every day. I tried to be friendly, but Becky just teased me and it was sooo uncool to hang out with boys, so I just tagged along with Becky and Sarai and their gang.

Year Four: Becky left. I cried for days. I wrote to her every week but she never replied. Looking back over the years, I realised she probably never liked me at all. A girl called Lara joined, and became my 'best' friend.

Year Six: I was very, very unpopular and oh-so-geeky. I was a real loner and was always on my own. I couldn't run fast so nobody let me play 'It' and those games. I came last in all the races at Sports Day.
My best memory of that year was the time I got pond duty with Lara, Sarai (who was a bitch now) and her best mate Floss, who was ok. Sarai was mucking about by the pond side, so I pushed her in. It only came up to her knees but she slipped over and got soaked. I got in so much trouble. Lara moved to Scotland that year. I cried for ages.

Year Seven: I started high school. Luckily, I was in the same form as Mike, who by then was my only friend. He didn't really notice me much, so I hung out with a girl called Lydia sometimes and other times just went to the library. Most of the people in my form bullied me to tears. My worst memory was the day my guinea pig Brandy died and I had to go to school. Everyone teased me, and I couldn't take it. I cried and cried and had to spend a period with my form tutor because I was so upset. As you can imagine, everyone teased me even more. Only Mike and another boy Liam didn't, and I really appreciated that.

Year Eight: I met two girls, Clarissa and Sinead. They're now my two best friends, kinda. I had a fight with Liam on the bus and hit him in the face, splitting his lip. We never made up. People still bullied me because I was (still am) a 'geek' and a 'boffin' and a 'nerd' because I wrote stories in my spare time and liked English and French rather than PE.

Year Nine (now): Clarissa hangs around with Fran (who I hate) and Amelie. Sinead hangs around with Beth (who I despise). I have no one. Not even Mike, because he's always with Liam and Ross (who I hate). Everyone else picks on me. I'm a target, although I've never been beaten up (unless you count the fight with Liam). I'm alone. I've never been so depressed. I don't talk any more. My only release is the internet and video games. Which is why I'm telling you all this.

That's me. My life as a geek. I just wish people would see past the fluffy hair and teeth and glasses to the real me, like Sinead can. And my internet friends too. I hope they like me for who I am. Not hate me for what I look like and what I do.

Getting depressed (er). Signing off. Thanks for listening (if you bothered to read the long post).