How To Cope: A Compilation By Our Members

[Vivi_Stalker]

This is something I just learned, and I think it could help a LOT of people!

The "Important VS. Unimportant" technique.

This is a kind of "home treatment" for anyone like me that's REALLY socially lacking...Or is really sensitive to being picked on, and the like.

People will always fall into one of 2 groups this way, as described in the name. Friends, family you're close to, or a lover will fall into Important. While people you don't know, have yet to meet, will never meet, and people you generally hate will fall into Unimportant.

Reasoning behind this: My brother reasoned that my problem was that by caring and reacting to what mean people thought of me or did to me, I was making them Important. Whenever you give them that pleasure, you'll take them into consideration, causing more frutration and agony than nessesary!

Question being, "How can I make the NOT important?"
Easily said, but takes some effort on your part. You must remember at all times, this:

"Would your friends treat you badly if they really were?"
"Do you care for your enemies, or people that could be swayed into hating you by those people?"
"Do you plan on MARRYING anyone you hate?"

So, they become not as important as any of the good people in your life, therefore, not being of ANY consequence in the big picture. Disreguard them. They're nothing to you now. Being nothing, they aren't there. Treat these problems like they don't exist after the occur. All these nothings amount to is human trash, basically.

Any of you can train yourself to differentiate between the people you need to notice, and the trash, but I can't tell you how. One piece of advice:

Say it out loud when you get time alone, or just think it repeatedly. Or do like I am right now...I have a Post-It note that my brother gave me on my moniter right now. I always see it up there, and I'm reminded. It's worked pretty well today, and people CAN benefit from this.

There are always exceptions, and I admit it. This WILL NOT WORK IF:
It's a violent situation

You momentarily erase it from your mind. In stressful moments, your mind won't be as clear as you'd like.

If someone's getting in your face, and not leaving well enough alone.
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I reccomend this for anyone who tends to tweak and obsess over self-image, popularity, or just makes mountains out of molehills (as the saying goes).

I just can't keep it to myself... I'll feel great if this ends up helping at least one of you as it has me.

And though I know he'll never read this, I give credit to my brother, whom is a constant source of pain and anger for me, but gave me this fine insight.

Good luck and good life to you all!

[Ozma Omega]

Wow, VS, this is great!

You`re right, I definitely think this can help a lot of people,
myself included!
You brought up a very good point, I never really thought
of things that way.
Why care about bullies and other mean people when you can think of those who really are important to you...

Thank you very much for posting this!
I, and I`m sure many other members, really appreciated it.
I think this thread deserves a Sticky.
What do you think, Bee?

[Kuro]

Ah.... wow, Veestah. I'm really glad that you posted something like this. You always had that great positive attitude to keep spirits up. Thanks for the inspiriational post! I'm definitely agreeing with Ozzy, too. This will help out a lot of people!!

[Beatrix the Goddess]

I most definitely agree with this being stickied, and I believe Oz has just done so. Thank you very much VS for posting this, I'm sure it'll help a lot of people. Life isn't always as simple as that theory suggests, but it's certainly a start. Sometimes simplicity can be an easier way of accepting things.

I think this thread could be developed too, has anyone else got tips on how to cope with the bad circumstances life sends us? Different things work for different people, maybe someone can find something to help them, if a lot of people post.

For me personally, there are two ways in which I've managed to cope with the bullying and abuse of my life. The first is one I advise everyone to try, the second isn't. I sometimes feel ashamed of it actually, and so only use it when people really, really push me over the edge.

I suppose the concise way to describe what I do- is that I count my blessings. By being so different from my peers, I've discovered wonderful worlds that they can never even begin to imagine. Someone picks on you for playing rpgs- well then I'd just think it's their loss, not mine. By their own narrow-mindedness they have missed out on all the pleasure that rpgs can bring. It's actually rather sad that they pick on someone for doing so.
Another expamle would be someone teasing you about your looks or your weight. In the end they've sort of done you a favour. Being bullied for physical things usually firmly makes you acquire the viewpoint that it's the person inside that counts, not what's on the outside. And think what can come from that- the joys of true, unrequited, wholesome, deep friendships and relationships. Whereas those ones who picked on you are stuck in the superficial world where surface and material things rule all, and there is no true comradeship. They're missing out on so much, yet again because of their narrow-mindedness.

That's what helps me get through. I purposely often enjoy every single thing I've ever been bullied for.

The second thing I do is verbally outsmarting arrogant and annoying people. Those ones that think calling you a gay motherfucker is just so clever. Using words they won't know the meaning of, and psychologically trapping them can be very, very satisfying if they've annoyed you enough. It's so fun to watch them get frustrated and realise they've been cornered. I do feel a little guilty about this one though, since I know some very nice people who, through no fault of their own, aren't as verbally able as I am. I sometimes feel it's unfair to use it as a weapon against others, it feels slightly hypocritical. However, if someone is being a complete arrogant pig, I conveniently decide that I'm perfectly justified in using this method. It makes me feel better anyway, and stops the insults hurting so much...

What about everyone else? I know uff9 members have had to face many types of abuse and trauma. Racism, homosexual discrimination, ageism, sexism, being teased about weight or looks, teased about being smart, teased about being a gamer, family problems, so many things. How do you cope?

By the way VS I'm going to change this thread titlle a little. Just tell me if you're not happy with it.

[Beatrix the Goddess]

Well, since no-one else has replied to this (*glares* ), I'll unsticky it to make some space, but I'll copy & paste VS's post into the Signs of Hope thread, so that it remains at the top