Parental Troubles

[Amy]

Have any of you been in the middle of your parent's problems? Have any of you been relied on in the middle of one of their fights?

I have. Many times.

You see, my mom has threatened to leave my dad for some time now. She nags him constantly, picking at every little bad quality that happens to show. She is always calling him a loser, always calling him names. She's always telling him how she's leaving him, 'I'm getting a damn lawyer', always telling him he's a terrible person. Then, when she's all pissed and throwing her tantrums, she tells them to me like I should know what to say! Like I should be the one to tell her she's right!

My dad, on the other hand, is just as bad. He's called her ugly before (Guys: Ever call your girlfriend / fiancee / wives this, prepare for utter damnation ), he's hit her (from what I know, but not on a typical basis), he's yelled at her, he's just basically being mamed constantly. He, however, does not pour all his troubles on me or anyone else, yet he does play this big pity party all the time.

My mom bitches and moans all the time, and she is always the one who starts the fights. She's never happy, she complains about her job all the damn time. She just expects that one day all will be good when he leaves. My mom seriously is so damn ...god I don't know, but I do know this, I hate having to hear it all, I hate having to deal with it all (as what you're to do in life), I hate having to go between them and say how bad the other is.

They act like five year olds and complain about how I fight with my brothers, HAH! Look in the fucking mirror.

I swear by this, I would NEVER EVER take sides with either. I just keep looking forward to the day when I turn 18 so I can get out of here. I seriously thought for a while that when I turned 18 I'd move back to michigan and not tell anyone where I was, just forget about them. I know that seems so so selfish, all of this does, but the fighting and the pain has gone on for my entire life, and I just don't know how much more I can take.

My fifteenth birthday was ruined by the sound of shattering glass, of a window being broken by a shoe she threw at him because He Didn't Do The Dishes When I Went Shopping. Pathetic.

My Sixteenth was ruined because for the entire 3 days beforehand they fought over my getting my computer. Then, to make matters more wonderful, she wasn't even home on my actual birthday, and my dad didn't care so much as to say happy birthday.

This christmas. This wasn't even a christmas this year. We opened presents the day before christmas eve, then xmas eve she bitched about how she didn't get diamond earrings, she got the things she REALLY asked for (rightfully, they're all returned now). I'm still hearing this. And, as a matter of fact, the hostility in the house runs high, and I look forward to their returningto work away from each other, as to keep peace in the family.

Countless anniversaries ruined because my mom's a bitch or my dad's a moron.

Just years of this shit has bound up on me, I needed to write it or something, i've no idea. I don't even feel better, knowing that it's going to continue.

I wished sometimes that they'd just get divorced, to make everyone happy. I'm so tired of their fighting, the reason why they're still together is because they had their kids (of which I wasn't even PLANNED a. reason why they're married in the first place b. why dad doesn't drink anymore)

..one fucked family.

I don't hate them, I realy really don't. I hate the way they act though, I just wish it could be fixed some times, ya know? I have a hard enough time by myself, I don't need to hear THEIR PROBLEMS alongside it.

All of this sounds so damn selfish, but I've been so completely selfless to them, it's my turn to indulge on what I truly hate with my heart (again, fighting, not them).

I decided, also, that when I get married, if it even happens, I would never treat my husband so terribly, and I would never allow my husband to treat me this way. If I ever had kids (which is a slim and none chance), I would never ever fight in front of them, and I would never be so cruel, so hurtful.

I just wish everyone was happy. This is part of the reason I'm so nice, I don't like spilling my problems to everyone (yay! I'm contradicting my own value, GO ME!), but this is just getting so bad, I needed someone to listen to me without being like Cory ('best friend'), and just completely blow me off. however, if you're blowing me off now, good for you, i flip my hair to you sir or madam, good day. But, if you took the time to read this.. thank you.

I feel better now u.u this will be the last time I completely spill my guts, so yeah, carry on.

Again.. thanks.

[Flicky]

Sounds a lot like the situration I was in a couple of years ago. Sorry to hear this is happening and I know what it feels like, believe me I really do.

Just try to stay out of your parents way, anyway you can. If you're out of their way, it's harder for them to pull you in to all this.

Sorry, but that the best words of advice I can give...it might not be much, but it usally works.

[Sylverline]

hiding away from your family won't work...

you have to try to talk about it as a family...together. It'll stir up tonnes of rows and stuff...but eventually they might put aside what differences they have and put you and your brothers and/or sisters first...

Good luck, that's all I can say

[Beatrix the Goddess]

I don't like spilling my problems to everyone (yay! I'm contradicting my own value, GO ME!),

Heh, I know the feeling. But no-one's going to think less of you for it

I'm afraid I can't say much about this..because I've never been directly involved in parent trouble. All I can say is that hiding things and keep them to yourself will just make the explosion even bigger. Try & tell your parents how much this is upsetting you. They obviously love you very much if they made the decision to stay together because of you. I'm sure they're not intentionally make birthdays miserable for you. In fact they're probably trying extra hard to make them nice- people get more tense when they really wanrt to achieve something, then they overeact to every little setback or problem.

If you wish they'd get a divorce done, then maybe you should tell them that, if you think it'd make things easier for you and your siblings. If they're staying together because of you, and yet you want the opposite, well that really doesn't make much sense does it? Try approaching them about it
Pm me if you want to talk further

[Bliss]

Yes, I have been involved in many of their fights. The worst one happened when I was very young, they threw all the beautiful vases in our home on the floor. CRASH. Then my dad starts crying. I know how it feels, Amy. I've been through stuff like that. They still quarrel like hell too sometimes. And I've heard it, I can't run away from the noise. AND my mom has come weeping after it's over to bitch to me about her troubles, too. Not that I don't synpathise with her or anything, but seriously, like your mother, Amy, she was the one who started it.

Yeah, I know how it feels, definitely.

I don't know how to offer advice because seriously, if things are as bad as they are, now, I think a divorce would be the best if there is no end to the fighting. I know you love your parents a lot, and they definitely love you a lot, too, if they are staying together because of their children. What you need to do is talk to them. Talk to them, yes, and tell them straight to their faces that you dont like them fighting. You must get it through their heads somehow. Tell them how much it pains you to see you them fighting. If I were in that kind of situation, I probably wouldn't be able to bear it any longer either.

I'm not sure how your parents will react to your talking to them. If they refuse to listen, or yell at you, you can always scream at them. I mean, I have parents like that, too. Not that I want to offend or insult them or anything, but I always thought, "What kind of a parent is that???!!!" Sorry if I've offended you in any way.

Best of luck!