Is it worth it?

Izlude · Jun 27, 2004, 05:47 AM

Alright, I don't know why the hell I'm posting this here. Yes, obviously I'm looking for advice or help or something, but I feel weird going to a bunch of strangers for it. Eh, oh well.

So here's what's going on. I've known a person for a year and a half, been in love with her for over a year, and the two of us have been together as boyfriend/girlfriend for about six and a half months. Starting off, everything was fine and great and stuff, until she wanted to "take a break" near the end of April because she wasn't sure if she loved me or not anymore. So after breaking for three weeks, she wants to get back together, even though she doesn't love me anymore (she said she just likes me a lot and cares for me a lot.. and she was hoping the love would return). So yeah, we get back together, things go back to being somewhat normal, until last Thursday.

Time for another break she says. Why? Because she can't handle the distance anymore (yeah, long distance relationship), and she doesn't like how we're not together in person. So we talk it over for a bit, and she says she needs this to figure out what she wants to do and where she wants to go from here and stuff. So yeah, fine, whatever.

Last time this happened I was completely devastated, and it was already starting to feel like last time. I went to bed, couldn't sleep, got out of bed the next day feeling completely miserable and shitty, so I went out and bought some weed and smoked that to get my mind off shit and all those crappy feelings that I hate. I haven't done any drugs since after we got back together the last time she wanted the break. That's what I do when I need to get my mind off stuff. That or casuing pain to myself.

I can't handle this kind of stuff. I don't want her to be constantly needing breaks or doubting our relationship or feeling weird about it or whatever else. I'm finding that I'm constantly being hurt by her (other stuff has been happening since our last break and now that I won't get into) and now she just went ahead and stabbed me again. Like I said, I can't handle this stuff. Maybe I'm just way too dependant on her or something. Okay, yeah, I know I am. But really, it hurts like hell. None of you could understand how this feels. Maybe you've been in similar situations before and you know something about it, but that's you, not me. Bleh.

So anyway, now I'm wondering if all this pain and upset is even worth it anymore. If or when we get back together for the third time, this will probably just end up happening again sometime soon. I'm thinking I should just bury this love in me and forget about it. Close her off from me, if I have to. Everything is starting to feel pointless.. and I really hate that. But then again, I love her, and I really don't see how I could just forget something like that. Maybe I'm just confused with how things are now and I should take more time to calm down and think things over.

I suppose that's it. I'm going to bed now. I haven't slept in two days because I'm a fucking moron. Bleeh.

Sofa King · Jun 27, 2004, 07:57 AM

By the time you start to read this you should have felt a lot better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Izlude

Time for another break she says. Why? Because she can't handle the distance anymore (yeah, long distance relationship), and she doesn't like how we're not together in person. So we talk it over for a bit, and she says she needs this to figure out what she wants to do and where she wants to go from here and stuff. So yeah, fine, whatever.

There you go. Long distance relationships are hard to maintain. You really can only keep it going for so long if both people in the relationship are willing to make that sacrafice and stay committed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Izlude

Last time this happened I was completely devastated, and it was already starting to feel like last time. I went to bed, couldn't sleep, got out of bed the next day feeling completely miserable and shitty, so I went out and bought some weed and smoked that to get my mind off shit and all those crappy feelings that I hate. I haven't done any drugs since after we got back together the last time she wanted the break. That's what I do when I need to get my mind off stuff. That or casuing pain to myself.

I won't lecture you on other ways to get your mind off stuff that doesn't include drugs. Stuff like people these days can't handle stress and what not an resort to alcohol, smoking, and/or drugs.
Anyway, it troubling to you so I get that. You have to understand how to deal with your emotions. Relationships will always include high emotions and theres always going to be an upside and a downside as you obviously have been through. So don't hurt yourself too much. If anything try to find someone to trust that you can talk to about this stuff. You're not alone dude.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Izlude

I can't handle this kind of stuff. I don't want her to be constantly needing breaks or doubting our relationship or feeling weird about it or whatever else. I'm finding that I'm constantly being hurt by her (other stuff has been happening since our last break and now that I won't get into) and now she just went ahead and stabbed me again. Like I said, I can't handle this stuff. Maybe I'm just way too dependant on her or something. Okay, yeah, I know I am. But really, it hurts like hell. None of you could understand how this feels. Maybe you've been in similar situations before and you know something about it, but that's you, not me. Bleh.

"None of you could understand how this feels."

Yeah, that's what everyone says. You feel torn. You want something and you are frustrated that things aren't going well. You wish you are the person that she wants you to be. You want her to accept you and vice versa. You can't live without her. You can't see your life without her. Bleh.

Yeah, I can't understand.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Izlude

So anyway, now I'm wondering if all this pain and upset is even worth it anymore. If or when we get back together for the third time, this will probably just end up happening again sometime soon. I'm thinking I should just bury this love in me and forget about it. Close her off from me, if I have to. Everything is starting to feel pointless.. and I really hate that. But then again, I love her, and I really don't see how I could just forget something like that. Maybe I'm just confused with how things are now and I should take more time to calm down and think things over.

I suppose that's it. I'm going to bed now. I haven't slept in two days because I'm a fucking moron. Bleeh.

Love hurts. Break ups are never easy when you think you found the person for you. Sometimes good things must come to an end. If I were you, I go find out what she wants. I go find out why she wants to break up and see if there is a solution to HER problem. I stop thinking about how horrible it is for me and try to just do something about it. If the answer comes back that she wants to break up, then I'll have to respect that decision.

If you love her, try thinking about whats best for her. Maybe you'll find the answers to your questions there.

My two cents

***Beatrix the Goddess*** · Jul 2, 2004, 04:02 PM

I agree with Blank- I think you need to take a more active role in this. Don't just mope about. I know that sounds incredibly harsh, but it may well work out better for you in the end. If she tells you exactly what her problems are, think out solutions to them & tell her. Two heads are always better than one, and the support you give may just jolt her into realising what a precious thing she's thinking of letting go of.

On the other hand..you've got to consider whether its all worth it. You're right in saying that now this has happened twice, it may well go on happening. You say you love her, but how good is the quality of your relationship now? Really? Do you love the old her, or how she is now? It may well be best to make a new start, unless you want this doubting to carry on forever. Also, if yoou tell her that you're considering breaking it off yourself, it may shock her & make her realise she can't play with you like this. And then she make one decision or the other. Its 50/50, but its a risk you take. If you do break up, it may take a while to get over, but you will get over it. If you've had at good go at making the relationship work & it still isn't..then do you really think its true love that will last forever no matter what? A short period of saddness may be the precursor to happiness in the future.

Anyway, let us know how it goes, ok?

Pm me anytime you want.

Izlude · Jul 4, 2004, 04:04 AM

Meh, I think it's pretty much over. Getting back with her is just going to lead to this again, so I don't think I'm even going to bother. I'm probably just saying that though, because I'm so damn weak and I have nobody else. Hah. I'm so pathetic.

I really don't know what the hell is going on with her anymore though. Everything is so confusing, and it feels like we're going apart even further. Talking doesn't solve anything or get me any answers. All I get is "I don't know" from her, which doesn't really help with anything. All I really know is is that she wants the phsical aspect of a relationship. Something I can't give her.. unless I get enough money to move from Newfoundland, Canada to Erie, Pennsyvania in the next few months... and thats not going to happen..

Blah, I really don't know what else to say. I'm tired again, and it's hard thinking of what to put here. Thanks to the two people that actually bothered replying. Always nice to know that someone cares a little bit.